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March, 2005

  1. If you haven’t followed this

    March 22, 2005 by Collin

    from Boing Boing, you might want to: EFF: Countdown to Grokster

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  2. Running with an idea

    March 22, 2005 by Collin

    is a bit safer than running with scissors. Andy’s most recent post about the “Support Our Troops” magnets that are all the rage these days got me thinking. And I ran with it. So here is my cultural mashup/parody: If a “Support…” magnet is turned 90˙ counter clockwise it apparently becomes a Christian fish.* So if you change that to a Darwin fish you get “Support Evolution“

    If you want one of them you can either snatch this one for yourself (CC license applies) or purchase one from my store. CliparToon to come later in the day.

    —
    * And I actually saw this on the drive in to work today. A sideways pink magnet ribbon without writing was next to a Christian fish emblem as an obvious imitation. It kinda looked like a bloated Christian salmon.

    I’ve probably seen this dozens, if not hundreds of times around here and never realized it until Andy pointed it out. I just thought the owners were sloppy and at first I thought Andy was joking. But it seems to be happening. I’m not saying that it’s a insidious plot or any thing. It’s just the nature of the shape. Still, good call Andy.

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  3. HahahHAHAhahaha… heh.

    March 21, 2005 by Collin

    This spam just in! Another Cialis® ad just like the one I dissected awhile back. You know, the one with the woman that would rather be with another woman. Yeah, that one. That’s not the funny bit though.

    Here’s the funny bit (and it may only be funny to me and those close enough to know who CS was), the subject was “If a relaxing moment turns into the right moment! wrinkle cheryl” hehehehehe. I honestly can’t imagine a wrinkled Cheryl actually helping that situation.

    This arrived via “Roscoe Smallwood” (Dubois@centralpets.com) a perfect name for someone peddling peter pills.

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  4. CliparToon #31: What’s more flammable than a baby?

    March 21, 2005 by Collin

    Two babies.

    Just kidding. Gasoline is more flammable than even a dozen babies.

    You may ask yourself, “Self. Why would he joke about setting babies on fire? That’s just sick!” Yes, I know it is. But I felt that it was necessary to get the message out. Much like baby tipping and sending them out to sea without a boat, I’m against setting them on fire. In spite of all appearances. So, if you find yourself with the urge to ignite your sibling or child I beg you, put down the matches, put down the baby (a safe distance from the matches) and take a few deep breaths. Count to ten. Go mow the lawn or something. Just don’t burn the baby. Remember. Don’t do it for the children.

    (I would like it noted that, should I ever get sentenced to community service for any reason, this counted preemptively.)

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  5. It’s Monday

    March 21, 2005 by Collin

    And to be perfectly honest I blame you. Don’t bother apologizing. The damage is done and now all we can do is try to make the best of it. I just want you to be absolutely aware that it’s all your fault. Your carelessness and inattention resulted in a Monday and I hope you’re happy! I told you not to jiggle the beakers and what did you do? That’s right. You jiggled them! While I try to clean up this mess I want you to go to your room and think about what you’ve done and how you should listen to me and do as you’re told next time. I should be done by Tuesday.

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  6. Listen… Do you wanna know a secret?

    March 18, 2005 by Collin

    More fun from the scamspammer front. My comments are in red. Have a good weekend all.

    From: osdorp paul
    Date: March 17, 2005 10:41:26 AM MST
    To: pawillqzn@netscape.net Now, the odd thing is, this isn’t my email address.
    Subject: SOLICITING FOR A BUSINESS VENTURE AND PARTNERSHIP
    Yay! I was just thinking that what I really need around the house – you know, to spruce up the place – is a business venture and partnership! It’s my lucky, lucky day!

    Dear Friend,

    First and foremost, I apologize for using this medium to communicate a business proposal of this magnitude ,
    Not a problem, friend. No need to apologize. Next time super size it if a medium won’t fit your magnitude.
    this is solely because of the confidentiality nature repose on the net;
    You don’t say? Well, now that you mention it, the “net” is awfully confidential. I mean, stuff so rarely leaks out onto the “net” that it’s more of a “bucket with a very tight lid” really. One in repose no less.
    before I go on further, I must be grateful to introduce myself.
    Yes, you must! For if you aren’t grateful I might lash out in my fury and strike you a mighty blow betwixt your eyes and about your noggin. Furiously.
    My name is Mr. Paul Wayne Zuma from the republic of South Africa .
    Really? It isn’t Paul Osdorp as the “from” says? I’m flabbergasted almost unto the point of furiousness by this grave news.
    My (late) father DR.zuma Kent Williams was the managing director of the Gold Mine company in SOUTH AFRICA.
    Seriously? Dr. Zuma Kent Williams was your father?! Man, talk about a coincidence. Of all the people you could have written to, you chose me! Your father and I go WAY back to that time when I was hired by his business associate to kill him! It is a small world after all.
    But he was assasinated by his business assoicate and all his properties was totally destroyed,
    Hey now! I may have killed the man, but I did not destroy any of his properties! I’m a paid assassin, not a vandal dammit! His stuff was destroyed by that other guy. Fritz, I think his name was. And it wasn’t done with malice, he was just very clumsy. An inner ear problem, I believe.
    however,I managed to escape with some of my father’s valid documents covering Forty Millions and Five Hundred United States Dollars (US$40.5M) which is presently deposited safely in a finance/scurity company in the Netherlands
    Dude! That was you?! Do you have any idea how close my shot was? It must have at least parted your hair on its way by. And you should thank Fritz. If he hadn’t bumped me I would have had you. Now I spend my days pining for the “one that got away.” Seriously. Your father’s business associate was quite annoyed that those documents were gone. I tried to point out to him that the contract was for Dr. Zuma Kent Williams and whoever else was in the room and once you had cleared the doorway it wasn’t my job to get you. He disagreed and only paid me half saying that I would get the balance once I silenced you and retrieved the documents.
    where I now reside as a refugee;
    No WAY! That’s awesome! Where are you staying? I wanna… umm… “invest” in your dealie. Thing.
    and I do not have the intention of returning home for fear of being assassinated by my father’s business associate.
    The irony of this is simply delicious. So. About the directions to where you are staying…

    MY REQUEST As a result of my present situation as a refugee who cannot have access to own an account or accounts, I am therefore faced with the dilemma of seeking for a trustworthy individual/firm that can advise me in making the rightful investment as well as to provide account(s) where the funds will be lodge into.
    Hey! That’s even better! I’ll meet you at the bank and we can discuss…”lodging” stuff. Bring the documents.
    More also, we are at the interim interested in buying properties for residence as we been residing there in the near future.
    Might I suggest you shop around the local mortuaries?
    Please be aware that my family are also in a safe location and I am in contact with them.
    Oh, freakin’ great! You told your FAMILY?! Dammit. I better go buy more bullets. Any chance they will be willing to accompany you to the bank?

    COMMISSION/REMUNERATION; As regard yourcommission/remuneration,
    Hey, don’t sweat it. I’ll be paid. Not your concern. You just hie yourself on over to the bank. Bring your family. And the documents.
    my family and I have decided to offer you 25% of the total sum and also set aside 5% for all your expenses (i.e telephone bills, traveling expenses, hotel bills and other miscellaneous expenses).
    Bullets? Because I only buy the best and they aren’t cheap. If you would be so kind as to underwrite them I will be most pleased. Bordering on ecstatic when all is said and done.

    NOTE: I shall commit half of my own share of the total sum into a joint venture project preferably in the purchase of Real Estate or other profitable business venture within your knowledge existing in your area.
    Sure. I’ll sell you a nice little plot of land. It’s a bit deep in the woods, but with luck you’ll never be disturbed.
    Be assured that you stand no risk of any kind
    No shit? Good to hear.
    as the funds in question belong to us alone.
    I have a feeling that your father’s old business partner wouldn’t agree.
    As soon as I get your consent,
    Consider it gotten.
    I will furnish you with the details and contact of the Finance/Security Company and after a few more details have being communicated,
    You do of course know that the Devil is in the details, right?
    we shall then proceed to arrange for a face to face meeting in order to know each other better
    Bliss! I TOTALLY look forward to that. You have no idea.
    and also discuss the terms and conditions of the partnership extensively.
    Oh yes. There shall be extensive discussions. Bring the documents. And your family.
    I strongly believe that associating with you to embark on this and other business ventures will derive a huge success hereafter
    If you mean IN the hereafter, then I think you might be on to something. Yes. I’m most certain of it.
    and it will be a long lasting business association.
    Well, if you view “long” as the rest of your life, and “the rest of your life” being the time it takes to pull a trigger, then yes, it will be long. And satisfying.
    If you have any question, do not fail to contact me with my e-mail address (paulwayne45@netscape.net) I await your anticipated co-operation.
    Oh yes. Yes indeed. I’m filled with great anticipation as well. See you soon Paul.

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  7. Today just isn’t my day.

    March 18, 2005 by Collin



    Okay, I already talked about my review. It’s snowing here today when it shouldn’t have been. What next, o’ life I happen to be living?

    I know! How about screwing up my lunch! That would be novel.

    I didn’t feel up to eating the frozen dinner I brought today, so I decided to splurge and go to Qdoba to get a chicken taco salad for lunch.

    I wasn’t paying attention while it was being made so when I got back to work and took my first bite I thought, “Something’s odd…” By the third bite I had figured out what it was. The thing was cold. Refrigerator cold. And the reason it was cold? Nobody bothered to actually put in the chicken.

    The guy who owns the place is the one who was doing the initial prep of the orders and he put the meat in the burrito and salad before mine. So by the time it got to the next guy in the line I hadn’t given it any thought. I just let him know what salsas I wanted, paid and left.

    Normally, when life hands me lemons I just suck them down and chalk it up to another one of “those” days, but for once I decided to do something about it. I called them up and told the person who answered, Roberta, what had happened. She seemed a bit incredulous but said I could come in and get a coupon for two free burritos. And the funny thing? Running through my mind, the only thing I’m worried about is that she doesn’t believe me and thinks I’m just after free food. That type of stuff eats at me. It matters so much what people think of me. I don’t know why. But I DO know my salad has no chicken. And without the chicken it’s just not the same.

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  8. CliparToon #30: Things are tough all over.

    March 18, 2005 by Collin

    Poor Old Scratch. Having to reduce his fearsome legion down to something created by Geppetto’s retarded brother. Is there no sympathy for the Devil? Oh well. I’m sure he’ll spring back in no time. He’s all kinds of crafty.

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  9. I had my review today, oh boy.

    March 18, 2005 by Collin

    Way back in the days when I was doing temp work (honestly, the real hard times compared to now) I was working for a company called Applied Magnetics in Monument, CO on their base plate assembly line. This would be the same job I was driving to when I rolled my VW bug. We were working on assembling a new technology at the time called “optical drives.” The particular project that I was working on was code named “Skywalker” so I imagine it had something to do with George Lucas. Or the military. They never told us.

    The average time to assemble a base plate before it had its optics calibrated was 25 minutes. I had some ideas, passed them along to my supervisor, he had engineering come up and work them out with me and when we were finished I could assemble a base plate in approximately 30 seconds at top speed. I got so far ahead of the optics crew assembling the plates that they had to move me to that group and only called me back to base plates when we were down to a box of 50 or so. And that was while working as a temp with nothing vested in the company’s success.

    The engineer that I had been working with was talking about getting me into their department as an actual employee, but it was right around the time that I applied to Rocky Mountain College of Art and Design and had been accepted. I was going to be an artist! Yay me! I really wish I had chosen differently.

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  10. Happy St. Paddy’s Day

    March 17, 2005 by Collin

    By the way. In honor of a day that I know means wear green and get drunk, I offer you this, the Happy Leprechaun. How many of you plan on (or are already) getting drunk tonight?

    The last time I really did anything for St. Patrick’s Day was way back when I was in England. A friend took me around to the local pubs in Bicester and I tried an Irish Coffee for the first and last time. And then later we all put back a jug of Irish whiskey and played darts until we lost them. I’m not sure if they were good times, but they were certainly “times”.

    Now I rarely drink, so I’ll be sober tonight. But I am wearing green. And I have the red hair. And the beard. So, no pinching me!

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