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April, 2005

  1. PoE Project #4

    April 22, 2005 by Collin

    Okay, for this one I’m trying the descriptive text at the top. Let me know if you think it’s better, or it should go back to the bottom.

    Click the pic to be magically (as if by magic!) transported to the referenced site. Not my fault if it turns out to be the worst mistake you’ve ever made. Also, I should note that some links that I’m “giving the treatment” may no longer be functional. Particularly for the older PoE links. Like this one from November of 1999. For all I know this guy went out the next month, partied like it was 1999 and was struck by a meteor. Then his relatives took down his site as a sign of respect for the dead and in an attempt to restore the family name. I just really don’t know, and neither will you until you try to follow the link. G’wan. You know you want to. click…click…click…click…click…

    Fine. Don’t. Be difficult. I don’t care. Have a good weekend anyway.


  2. Tomorrow looks to be busy,

    April 22, 2005 by Collin

    so I already plan on not having a clipartoon. I do have another PoE in the works which I’ll post later in the day.

    Here’s a happy zombie:

    And here he is in color:

    You’re welcome.

    Oh yeah! I also wanted to try one more drawing exercise that I’ve seen someone use. What I would like you to do is leave a comment describing an object the best you can. Give as much or as little detail as you can, but don’t say what the object is. I’ll attempt to draw the object from your description and then post the result with your description, whereupon you can say in the comments what it was meant to be. And that’s it. We’ll see how it goes. Whee!


  3. CliparToon #52: I sense a theme developing…

    April 21, 2005 by Collin

    He just looks so sad and filled with desire for the finer things that he’ll … NEVER … have, unless he gets motivated, rises up from his mopey seated position and engages in a five state crime spree. Nothing else will fulfill his needs and lusts. Nothing! Then he will have all the phonographs, bikes and balls that he could ever want! What are you waiting for you sad little ragamuffin?! Go! Go! Go!

    Technical note: I added the “Steal it!”, the rest was already there.

    (Oh, and the last post made it in one, so this is what you get.)


  4. PoE Project #3

    April 21, 2005 by Collin

    Yes, I know, Not especially original. Gary Larson did intelligent (or at least lazy) bacteria/microbe comics decades ago. However I’m not the guy that believes they intentionally created all other life. At least I can say that.

    Do any of you twenty-odd visitors have an opinion about the placement of the PoE blurb? I’m trying to decide if it would be better above the cartoon than below it. Above you would have some idea what’s coming, below you get the anticipation of finding out why I did what I did. So. Which do you think works? Or, there’s always the third option of, “It’s not really funny either way, so stop it!”

    Oh yeah, and apparently Blogger has decided to turn to crap again today. If this takes more than two or three attempts to post then I’m not posting anything else today. So that means no new CliparToon. Be strong. Hold back the tears. I know it’s harsh, but it’s all Blogger’s fault. Hate them, not me.


  5. CliparToon #51: Flower Power

    April 20, 2005 by Collin

    I wonder if that could work in other criminal enterprises? Say you’re robbing a jewelry store and a cop shows up. You hand over a diamond necklace and say, “I got this JUST for you!” and smile like you mean it. Would the cop shake his finger at you and say, “You! … G’wan. Get. Just don’t let me catch you doing this again or you’ll be in trouble!” Or would he toss a stiff arm into your neck, slam you to the floor on your back, flip you like a pancake and slap the cuffs on you? I guess there’s only one way to find out. So. One of you go do that; tell me how it goes.


  6. PoE Poo Redux

    April 20, 2005 by Collin

    Okay. With this one I feel I should clarify some things. Fist, I’m not basing my drawings on the actual content at the end website. It’s based solely on the description of the site given by PoE. Second, I actually do know the difference between a transsexual and a transvestite. No need to try to educate me. It’s already been done. It’s just that after reading the description of Cinderella Girl’s site, this is what popped into my mind:

    You should just sit there and be happy that your mind doesn’t function like mine. It can be very distracting.

    I also didn’t make this one in an attempt to be judgmental in any way. What someone else chooses to wear, how to act or considers themselves to be is nothing to do with me. The last thing I want is to be beaten up by a man in a dress. Or a woman trapped in a man’s body that has been surgically altered to match her gender identity. In a dress.

    Oh yeah. And this is just a guess on my part, but I’m betting the end site is not work safe. I could be wrong but the really cool thing about that is I’ll never know first-hand. If YOU want to know, click the pic.


  7. Another less than proud moment

    April 20, 2005 by Collin

    Generally, I do my best to go through life without harming others. There have been some exceptions however. I’ve already talked about my time as a juvenile delinquent when I was going around with a friend and letting the air out of tires. We did other things that I haven’t talked about yet, but this isn’t about those things. This took place a few years earlier when I was in 4th grade (or possibly 5th). And it wasn’t random like the tire incident. It was personal. It wasn’t my idea; I was just going with the crowd. I seem to be at my stupidest when I’m following others.

    By 4th grade I was already set on a loner’s path that I would follow all through school. But at the time I still wanted to fit in and be accepted by the popular kids, so from time to time I would do really stupid things to try and impress them.

    One day a new student joined our school. He was Japanese and quite friendless. I didn’t know anything about him, his culture, or his religion. The first contact I had with him was at recess when he was surrounded by several kids who were taunting him because he “didn’t believe in Jesus.” They were quite the little thug monkeys and, looking to fit in, I joined them.

    As I recall they shoved him around a bit trying to “make him” believe in Jesus. I probably did a bit of shoving myself. I don’t really recall. He wouldn’t give in and after he picked himself up from the ground for the fourth or fifth time they grew bored and left him alone. I remember looking back at him and seeing him crying. I knew what I had done was wrong, even as I was doing it. I just couldn’t help myself and at the end of it all I felt quite ashamed.

    Later – an hour or a day, I don’t remember – I told him that I was sorry for pushing him around and I asked him if it was true that he really didn’t believe in Jesus. He told me that he and his family were buddhists and explained what that meant. I also found out that his father worked for some business that had him move a lot, so he was pretty accustomed to being picked on and he forgave me.

    The next time the kids started pushing him around I stood up for him, and we both got pushed around. It was a Hallmark moment, to be sure. After school we went to his house and I met his mom and grandmother. It was my first real introduction to another culture. I had to leave my shoes at the door and everything. I remember that their house was very well decorated and smelled nice. We remained friends until his dad was transferred again.

    Next time I feel like shedding some light into my dark corners I’ll tell you about when I punched a girl hard in the stomach*, tripped a crippled kid or did a spot of gay bashing.


    *I’m not sure. I might have already told this one.


  8. My latest distraction

    April 19, 2005 by Collin

    I was looking through the links list at Portal of Evil last night and I had an idea. In a way it’s sort of like the guy who is drawing cartoons of spam subject lines (wish I’d thought of THAT first). What I’ll be doing is reading the links at PoE and, based solely on their description, I’ll draw up a cartoon representing it. I have absolutely no idea if ANYbody will be happy with this (PoE or the people who own the end links), but I see it as a good exercise in screwing around. And really, that’s all that matters.

    Here’s the first. Click the pic to visit the target link. Fair warning: some MAY NOT be worksafe. As I said, I’m not visiting them, just interpreting them.


  9. CliparToon #50: Who is it?

    April 19, 2005 by Collin

    Opportunities aren’t really lost. They just fall over and rolled around a bit. Check under the sofa and the fridge. There are probably a good dozen or so down there. You’re welcome.


  10. CliparToon #49: Damned brats and their "bucket-o-fun"

    April 15, 2005 by Collin

    What could possibly be in that bucket that is more fun than Halo 2, God of War, Jade Empire, Doom 3 or Taiko Drum Master?

    I’ll bet it’s a human head.

    They are way too happy for it to be anything else.

    That’s what happens when you force a child to get out in the sunshine, associate with others of their ilk and be all healthy and stuff. They go and find human heads to play with. Do you really want that? If nothing else, it’s unhygienic.