October, 2005
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It’s flat and rushed, but…
October 31, 2005 by Collin
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You just made my list.
October 31, 2005 by Collin
Not you. The woman driving in front of me this weekend. She made the list of things that annoy me. As opposed to the “List of People Who Would Disappear If I Gained Absolute Power”, although there’s likely to be some overlap. I don’t have an actual, written out “List of Annoyances”. At least not until now. Now this woman is on my list. At the top of it in fact, until I add more. Which I will. Eventually. Here’s the list so far:
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The woman in the big ass, brand new SUV that slowed down for a speed bump more than I did in my 8-year old Kia. I mean, come on! Your land barge isn’t made of porcelain and the bump isn’t that large! Unless you are hauling something far more unstable than your children, I think you can manage that wee bump at a speed greater than 2 mph. While you’re puttering along my tacos are getting cold, dammit!
—More to come, I’m sure.
Bonus content:
The funniest thing my daughter said this weekend.
“I wish I was the first one to come out of mom!”Category Adrift | Tags: | 3 Comments
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A Monkey Tribute Post
October 28, 2005 by Collin
As some of you know, Monkey has been basically retired for some time now. To help keep the memory of the always funny Monkey alive until his promised return I’ve decided to start a major religion. Wait. No. I’m going to do a “Monkey Tribute Post”. However instead of a bunch of random things as he tended to do, I’m going to stick with just one because I’m lazy and I’m not Monkey.
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Favorite confession from today’s Grouphug:
“i am using J to get to his friend, K.
then once i get with K, it will make S jealous.
once S realizes my hottness, he will dump that slutty hoe bag C and get with me.
then maybe if i’m lucky i can have K and S at the same time because that family sure has hot genes.yep. that’s the master plan. “
(Trouble’s a-brewing in my bowl of Alpha-Bits. I think it might be the work of a rogue Cheerio. – Collin)
_________________________________________________________Category Adrift | Tags: | 4 Comments
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Hmmm…
October 28, 2005 by Collin
On the way in to work I found a “street person” who looked like Jesus. I wonder if the Golden Palace Casino will buy him? I suppose it could have been a costume*, but the resemblance to all of those paintings that were done by people who never actually me the Man was uncanny. He was even more lifelike than the tree bark or wall mold Jesii.
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* I hear that’s the big thing on the streets these days. One “street person” dresses up as Jesus and then jumps about shouting “Look at me! I’m jumping Jesus!” until the tourists gather around to gawk. Then his associates wander among the crowd picking pockets and leaving behind little business cards that have a cross on them and read “Gotcha! Your Friend Jesus”. Later, when the tourist goes for his wallet to pay for something kitschy for the folks back home, he pulls out the card, reads it and exclaims, “Hey! Jesus got me!” then everyone laughs. It’s a hoot.**** the addendum was longer than the post. I hate when that happens.
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URGENT UPDATE!
October 28, 2005 by Collin
I am, at this very moment, wearing both my new zombie peanut butter t-shirt AND my zombie CareLess band that Heather made for me. Plus I have a half decayed skull on my desk that I don’t have a picture of. Indeed, it’s a Halloweenie Friday.
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Lunch
October 27, 2005 by Collin
I joined the group of artists today for their weekly “Sushi Thursday” lunch. I was debating between the white chicken bowl and tacumoshosho*, something that was recommended by both Derek and Ray. I was still waffling back and forth between the two when the waitress came by to take our order. In the end the tacodoohickey** stuff won out. It was tasty. It consisted of breaded and fried pig meat with a side bowl of rice and a sauce that I’m reasonably sure starts with “k”. The only problem I had with the meal is the same problem I always have when there’s too much of one flavor in any meal. I get tired of it by the end. Still, it filled me up.
Now, on to the interesting bit. I’ll bet you didn’t know there was an interesting bit. Well hah! There is! Around the end of our meals we were being harassed by a fly. One single, stinking fly. With all of the restaurant to travel around it was consistently buzzing our table and being a nuisance. It was a Leguizamo fly. Derek suggested that I pull a Miyagi move and catch it with my chopsticks. I reminded him that earlier he was pointing out that he would be able to kill me with his chopsticks much easier than I would be able to kill him with mine, so logically he was the one that needed to go Miyagi on the fly. Yeah, it was that kind of lunch.
So the fly kept buzzing us and we were all trying to ward it away from our food and drinks. Finally, the wee bastard managed to land on my glass and poke its wiggly fly head into my straw. I said, “well, that’s the last I’ll be having of that” and swung my hand its way to try to shoo it toward Derek’s drink. Instead it did a side barrel roll and landed on the inside of my glass, so I slapped my hand over the top and it was trapped. But now I was stuck with my hand over the top of my glass, feeling the nasty thing tickling my palm. My glass didn’t have enough liquid in it for me to drown it in a Coke hurricane so I looked around the table for an alternative solution. I noticed that the base of my rice bowl looked like it would fit nicely in the mouth of the glass. So I slid the straw out of the glass, and in a move that would have made Harrison Ford proud, I swapped my hand with the rice bowl. I still couldn’t do the Coke hurricane though because the bowl was still half full of rice and it would have gone everywhere… unless I covered the rice bowl with one of the sauce bowls… mmm. no.
However, now there was a different problem: what to do with the fly when it was time to go? Should I lift the lid and give it the freedom to resume annoying the other customers? Or just leave it that way for the waitress to find when she cleared off the table? It would be bad enough that she would have thought I was “one of those” customers that do nasty or stupid things with the table leavings, but when she lifted the bowl and had a fly pop out in her face… well, let’s just say I wouldn’t be remembered fondly. Especially if it flew into her eye and began feasting on her mucus membrane as they tend to do.
I decided that I would tell her about the trapped fly when I went to the register to pay my bill, and then settled in to watch it do laps around the rim of the glass where it met the bowl until everyone else was finished.
When I went up to pay, however, I noticed that the sushi chef had come around and was helping bus the tables. Setting a fly on an unsuspecting waitress would have been bad enough, but a sushi chef? No good would come of that. He had knives.
I quickly went back to the table since he missed the bowl/cup prison tower on the first pass, picked it up, walked to the door to the restaurant and let it go outside. At least it didn’t fly back into the restaurant when I closed the door. I was amazed that nothing was said by any of the staff.
And that’s how I spent my lunch.
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* not the real name.
** still not the real name.Category Adrift | Tags: | 4 Comments
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Parody Design
October 27, 2005 by Collin
Some of you might be offended by this and I want it to be known up front that I have nothing against PETA. They put naked women in cages out in public and I can respect that.
Still.
When I saw this design:
it spoke to me and what it said was “I need you to make fun of me!” Kind of a Wonderfalls moment, really.
I held off as long as I could. Seriously. I first saw it a few weeks ago. But the voices win. They always win. So here it is:
Since they have theirs on a thong I figure I should put mine on boxers.
Category Adrift | Tags: | 6 Comments
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Yesterday
October 26, 2005 by Collin
… I had the almost overwhelming urge to put up a post that read:
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That’s it.
.
.
I quit.
—–Why? Eh. Who knows. Most bloggers seem to go through that every once in a while. Some more than others. Some quit. Some take extended breaks. I decided that I would do a bit of revamping. “A change is as good as a rest.” To be honest I’d become mighty sick of looking at my site. It probably started way back when I changed my header, but over time that change wasn’t enough. We’ll see if this is enough.
Currently I’m reworking my “assload” of links, since they all got cleared out when I changed templates. I’m trying to make the list a bit slimmer. It’s not a good sign when you links extend between three and seven pages past your last visible post. It’s tacky.
As you can see the two main categories of links so far are “They Link Me” and “They Link Me Not”. If you find yourself missing from “They Link Me”, and you do in fact link to me, leave me a comment here and I’ll add you to the list. The same goes for anyone who might be on the “They Link Me Not” list when you really belong among the cool kids in the better and far more popular* “They Link Me” list.
*With me at least.
That leads me to comments. I’ve disabled HaloScan and will only enable commenting through Blogger on certain posts. Again, you may be wondering why. When I told Derek why he laughed at me. Dick. Anyhow, the reason I’ve disabled comments for the most part is because I love to get comments. Stay with me now; it should make sense shortly. I am a comment junkie. Sometimes I’ll put up a post with great anticipation of reading what my visitors would have to add to it, only to get somewhere between none and one. It’s depressing. So, by eliminating the possibility of comments I should eliminate that depression. Stupid, huh? Anyhow, I figure it’s worth a shot, and if I’m not writing in a misguided attempt to generate comments, I might start to come up with more interesting posts. We can certainly hope.
For the time being, in the posts that will have comments open, I’ve turned word verification off because, even though it seems to work, it’s annoying to have to mess with as a commenter. I’ll leave it off until I start to get a lot of useless spam.
That’s all for now. Back to link weeding.
Category Adrift | Tags: | 10 Comments
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Turn and face the strange.
October 26, 2005 by Collin
Changes.
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My Blog Worth
October 25, 2005 by Collin
Just to let everyone know, the repenting is going along swimmingly. Between sessions of confessions I found this at boingboing. I went ahead and tried it out and this was the result:
My blog is worth $18,065.28.
How much is your blog worth?
In many ways this is sad. My blog, my leetle imaginary spot on the interwebthingie, is apparently worth more than my student loans and credit cards combined. Heck, it’s even worth more than everything in my apartment, excluding the children but including the fish and frogs. However I’m nowhere near the $9 meeeeelion that boingboing is worth, so there is room for improvement.
Be sure if you give it a shot that you click on “take the test again”.
Now, back to the repenting. It’s not a good sign if your priest starts to drink the blood of Christ straight from the bottle, is it?
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