Phrases heard as an artist-for-hire and the real meaning behind them.

I borrowed* this list from a post at the Illustration Friday forum by a member named “toonman”. It amused me. May it amuse you.

“It’s a charity job” – everyone gets paid except you.

“It will give you exposure” – so does selling matches in the snow.

“You’ll get your value back on the next jobs” – but not with us, we won’t hire you again.

“It’s only for the web” – where it will stand for years and be downloaded by millions of people.

“It’s for educational purposes” – we are gonna teach you a lesson.

“It’s great! But can you make some changes?” – the director’s niece made a doodle and he wants it to look just like it.

“We are not a commercial publication” – we sell 40,000 a week and still don’t want to pay the talents.

“Just do something quick” – but if it doesn’t look awesome you’ll get bashed.

“Do something simple” – any idiot can do it, that’s why we choose you.

“I can’t pay much” – but i don’t want it to look cheap.

“We will be in touch” - we found a homeless guy willing to do it for a bottle of wine.

“Can you start ASAP?” – i had it on my desk for weeks, but now it’s your problem.

“Because it’s for an inside publication only, will it be cheaper?” – just forgot to mention the company is a multinational with more than 100,000 employees.

“Don’t spend much time on it” – work all night and charge me half an hour.

“This could mean more jobs in our company” - if you like underpaid toilet cleaning.

“I’d like to send you a copy as a token of our gratitude” – to use as a paperweight for all those unpaid bills.

“Due to crisis, we won’t be able to continue using your work” – it was that or downgrade my company car.

“Can you live off that?” – shouldn’t you be starving and homeless?

“The check is in the mail” – virtually…

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* Yeah, yeah, okay. Fine. I STOLE this list, but at least I’m attributing the victim… er… “donor”. And I made a few cosmetic changes.