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March, 2007

  1. Multimediarrific

    March 28, 2007 by Collin

    The video:

    The podcast:

    Thanks to:

    the Derek

    Category Adrift | Tags: | 3 Comments

  2. Eww.

    March 28, 2007 by Collin

    I’m having stomach problems this morning. On my way in to work I was driving somewhat fast, both because I was running late and because I could feel stuff brewing down south. I hit a patch of potholes. While I bounced around it occurred to me, “Thank god diarrhea isn’t carbonated.”

    Later I’ll have a link to the video that Derek made of me performing at Freak Train, as well as a link to the podcast we recorded last night.

    Category Adrift | Tags: | 1 Comment

  3. News flash from the lunatic fringe

    March 27, 2007 by Collin

    Just this minute I received an email from Gotoso Diogo with the subject line “Anna Nicole: The Mystery of Her Death“

    The body of the email went on to tell me that she died from an enlarged penis. Her own or someone else’s; it wasn’t made clear. It was very cryptic. It appeared to be trying pass itself off as spam, seemingly selling me the “#1 Penis Enlargement Solution in the World,” but with that subject line I knew there was a deeper meaning. Surely it wasn’t chosen at RANDOM. No, my friends, this is not spam. Oh no. There’s something “they” don’t want us to know about the death of Anna Nicole. The “mystery” of it, if you will. I’m certain that this was really a disguised message from the people “in the know.”

    How can I be so sure? The answer is hidden in the coded message at the end: “ftkpkkkmkfkjkfmuhmiihihqhkhnhkhhhlishuiolhhthghh“

    See? There can be no denying it. If you can’t decode it out, you weren’t meant to know, but I will say that what it reveals is chilling in its evil.

    If you do figure out the message, be quiet about it though. Just knowing this could jeopardize your life. The email said “100% Guaranteed risk free” which is obviously meant as a warning of the extreme danger you will be in if you learn of this cover-up. I’m not afraid. I live with fear on a daily basis. I have a teenaged son.

    Just remember, the truth of Anna’s death is out there. It’s walking on three legs.

    Luckily we have Gotoso Diogo risking his life to warn us.

    You’re a good man Gotoso.

    Category Spam | Tags: | No Comments

  4. News flash from the lunatic fringe

    March 27, 2007 by Collin

    Just this minute I received an email from Gotoso Diogo with the subject line “Anna Nicole: The Mystery of Her Death“

    The body of the email went on to tell me that she died from an enlarged penis. Her own or someone else’s; it wasn’t made clear. It was very cryptic. It appeared to be trying pass itself off as spam, seemingly selling me the “#1 Penis Enlargement Solution in the World,” but with that subject line I knew there was a deeper meaning. Surely it wasn’t chosen at RANDOM. No, my friends, this is not spam. Oh no. There’s something “they” don’t want us to know about the death of Anna Nicole. The “mystery” of it, if you will. I’m certain that this was really a disguised message from the people “in the know.”

    How can I be so sure? The answer is hidden in the coded message at the end: “ftkpkkkmkfkjkfmuhmiihihqhkhnhkhhhlishuiolhhthghh“

    See? There can be no denying it. If you can’t decode it, you weren’t meant to know, but I will say that what it reveals is chilling in its evil.

    If you do figure out the message, be quiet about it though. Just knowing this could jeopardize your life. The email said “100% Guaranteed risk free” which is obviously meant as a warning of the extreme danger you will be in if you learn of this cover-up. I’m not afraid. I live with fear on a daily basis. I have a teenaged son.

    Just remember, the truth of Anna’s death is out there. It’s walking on three legs.

    Luckily we have Gotoso Diogo risking his life to warn us.

    You’re a good man Gotoso.

    Category Adrift | Tags: | 1 Comment

  5. Well…

    March 27, 2007 by Collin

    Smart money lost. I performed. I was see-sawing all the way up to the point where I picked a slot. About halfway through my “act” I started shaking and couldn’t stop. I don’t know if another time will be better or not. We’ll see. I plan to give it another go in a couple months. I went on between Pat and Derek. It was fun, in a “holy CRAP! WHAT AM I DOING?” kind of way. Now I have to go to sleep, for tomorrow I must work. Talk to you all later.

    Category Adrift | Tags: | 6 Comments

  6. Today’s the day…

    March 26, 2007 by Collin

    The Freak Train day. The stand up comedy 5-minute act of doom and total embarrassment ending in ritual suicide under the hot, hot lights. Okay, I won’t kill myself. At least consciously. Who knows what my mind may do to me once I’m on the stage looking out at the audience shrouded in deep shadow.

    It may go pop. I’ll fall over and that will be that.

    I’m still see-sawing between going through with it and just going.

    I have something prepared. An old post from 2004 that I rewrote and rewrote again starting last night. So yeah, that’s another thing against me. Damned near no time spent practicing or even thinking about what I’ll be doing. I did record myself reading through the first rewrite a few times and it averaged out to about 2 minutes 30 seconds. I will do my best to not rush through it, but I tell you now if nobody’s laughing by the end of the first couple “jokes” I will transform into Speedy Mouth McMumbler. I’ll be their shortest act ever.

    That’s assuming I do it, and don’t wuss out. Smart money’s on wuss out. It looked a bit windy earlier.

    I’m pretty sure someone will be recording, so when the video’s up I’ll post a link. If there’s anything to post. See? See-sawing. One second I want to do it, the next I’m thinking its a bad, bad idea. “Licking a light socket” bad.

    I’ll also record an MP3 of the “act” tomorrow night and post it in the coming week. Whether I go on stage or not.

    Any bets?

    Category Adrift | Tags: | 1 Comment

  7. A bit’o Spam

    March 23, 2007 by Collin

    It’s been awhile since I’ve done anything with the spam that used to flood my inbox. As you can tell if you have stopped by lately. I say “used to flood my inbox” because our IT guys have managed to shut the flow down to a trickle. That’s great and all, but it makes material scarce. Luckily I’ve been holding on to quite a few for quite awhile, just waiting for the posting urge to strike. It has struck, in a tiny way. I will now give you a few morsels of spam. My comments, as usual, in red.

    —

    From: Ketty Kloecker
    Subject: Don’t pass by for god sake. Render assistance, you heartless bastard!
    Date: March 21, 2007 6:14:53 PM MDT
    To: collin

    Hi
    Something attractive are occur with SCPT, did you saw I did saw! I did! It so attractive! Make me horny! So horny! .02 x.04 ? You betcha. .02 x.04 worth of horny!
    I think we need to buy it before it reach 0.06 mark. Do you? Are you sure? That’s .02 more horny if we wait! Let’s wait! Let the horny build and build!

    LOOK at statistic. Do I gotta? I’m busy letting the horny build! Sigh. Fine.

    Last Trade: 0.04
    Change: Up 0.02 (81.82%)
    Prev Close: 0.02
    Volume: 5,421,146 Now, I’m no money guru, but wouldn’t an increase from .02 to .04 equal a 100% increase? *Ahem* I mean ‘Statistic make me horny even more!’ So much volume! So attractive!

    But do not tell me later thet i wasn’t noticed you. I couldn’t if I wanted to.

    Truly Yours, Ketty If you are truly mine, can I sell you? I think that should be allowed. Apply you towards my student loans.

    —

    Best spam title I’ve gotten lately: “Jennifer keeps the room warm.”

    Unfortunately, that’s the only good thing about that one. No explanation how she does it. Nothing further is said of Jennifer. Just more babble about stocks I don’t realize I want.

    —

    From: nevil ambrosius (nanetecallie@qchiptechnologies.com)
    Subject: Sir, your product works like no other. It does indeed. So you’ll be buying a thirty then?
    Date: March 20, 2007 9:23:05 PM MDT
    To: antonina (collin@blahblahblah) WTF? Like I’m not going to know my own name? Who the hell is Antonina? Answer me Nevil Ambrosius, you prick!

    Did you know that a recent survey showed that 85% of women actually get aroused by a man who produces “above average” semen amounts? Who does these surveys? Do they just hang around WalMart with a clipboard and a lewd expression? “Excuse me miss, does THIS much semen make you horny?” Produces a pint bottle full of teeny wigglers from behind his back. Notes reaction. Moves on. With our pills, she’ll be speechless… They’re mostly alum. Damned handy if the lady of the bedroom is a bit too chatty. and defiantly coming back for more… Give me what I want or I’ll smack you into Tuesday!

    Other than a link and filler text, that was it. The entire sales pitch. I’m left unconvinced.

    Have a great weekend everyone!

    Category Spam | Tags: | No Comments

  8. SpamSpamSpam

    March 23, 2007 by Collin

    It’s been awhile since I’ve done anything with the spam that used to flood my inbox. As you can tell if you have stopped by Spam-A-Palooza lately. I say “used to flood my inbox” because our IT guys have managed to shut the flow down to a trickle. That’s great and all, but it makes material scarce. Luckily I’ve been holding on to quite a few for quite awhile, just waiting for the posting urge to strike. It has struck, in a tiny way. I will now give you a few morsels of spam. My comments, as usual, in red.

    —

    From: Ketty Kloecker
    Subject: Don’t pass by for god sake. Render assistance, you heartless bastard!
    Date: March 21, 2007 6:14:53 PM MDT
    To: collin

    Hi
    Something attractive are occur with SCPT, did you saw I did saw! I did! It so attractive! Make me horny! So horny! .02 x.04 ? You betcha. .02 x.04 worth of horny!
    I think we need to buy it before it reach 0.06 mark. Do you? Are you sure? That’s .02 more horny if we wait! Let’s wait! Let the horny build and build!

    LOOK at statistic. Do I gotta? I’m busy letting the horny build! Sigh. Fine.

    Last Trade: 0.04
    Change: Up 0.02 (81.82%)
    Prev Close: 0.02
    Volume: 5,421,146 Now, I’m no money guru, but wouldn’t an increase from .02 to .04 equal a 100% increase? *Ahem* I mean ‘Statistic make me horny even more!’ So much volume! So attractive!

    But do not tell me later thet i wasn’t noticed you. I couldn’t if I wanted to.

    Truly Yours, Ketty If you are truly mine, can I sell you? I think that should be allowed. Apply you towards my student loans.

    —

    Best spam title I’ve gotten lately: “Jennifer keeps the room warm.”

    Unfortunately, that’s the only good thing about that one. No explanation how she does it. Nothing further is said of Jennifer. Just more babble about stocks I don’t realize I want.

    —

    From: nevil ambrosius (nanetecallie@qchiptechnologies.com)
    Subject: Sir, your product works like no other. It does indeed. So you’ll be buying a thirty then?
    Date: March 20, 2007 9:23:05 PM MDT
    To: antonina (collin@blahblahblah) WTF? Like I’m not going to know my own name? Who the hell is Antonina? Answer me Nevil Ambrosius, you prick!

    Did you know that a recent survey showed that 85% of women actually get aroused by a man who produces “above average” semen amounts? Who does these surveys? Do they just hang around WalMart with a clipboard and a lewd expression? “Excuse me miss, does THIS much semen make you horny?” Produces a pint bottle full of teeny wigglers from behind his back. Notes reaction. Moves on. With our pills, she’ll be speechless… They’re mostly alum. Damned handy if the lady of the bedroom is a bit too chatty. and defiantly coming back for more… Give me what I want or I’ll smack you into Tuesday!

    Other than a link and filler text, that was it. The entire sales pitch. I’m left unconvinced.

    Have a great weekend everyone!

    Category Spam | Tags: | 3 Comments

  9. Holy crap! I’ve been shot!

    March 22, 2007 by Collin

    Well. Okay. Not me exactly. Someone with my name was though. Shot and killed back in September of 1999.

    I decided to google my name after reading an article on Lifhacker about how to Have a say in what Google has to say about you. In addition to having the top spot linked to my post about Viacom ordering YouTube to take down my video, it turned up this:

    —
    September Murder Remains Unsolved

    After-hours shooting in Central Square leaves a Boston man dead

    On Saturday, September 18, 1999, at 3:15 a.m., 30-year-old Collin Burton of Dorchester, with two friends, stopped at Hi-Fi Pizza in Central Square after a night at the Hong Kong and the House of Blues. A green Ford Explorer pulled up outside the Hi-Fi. Burton had a conversation with the occupants, then banged on the hood of the vehicle. The man in the passenger seat then fired through the open window, striking Burton once in the chest. Burton’s friends rushed him to Boston Medical Center, where Burton died the following Monday. Burton’s friends have cooperated with the investigation, but no arrests have been made and no warrants have been issued.

    This murder has elevated fears of violence in Central Square, which has long been Cambridge’s most prolific drug and robbery hot spot. Several drug related shootings in Area 4 were reported in the weeks preceding this murder.
    —

    Freaky seeing your name associated with a death. Even more so when it’s murder.

    Also, don’t count on an Illustration Friday post from me this week. Still no ideas and even less time. Yes. That’s right. Less than no time.

    Category Adrift | Tags: | 2 Comments

  10. Look out the window, what do you see?

    March 21, 2007 by Collin

    It’s Wednesday just about damned near everywhere! That means:

    This week’s Illustration Friday word is “Total,” and I totally have nothing so far. Tomorrow is the deadline. Can I do it?! Tune in tomorrow to see. Probably the later the better.

    Category Adrift | Tags: | No Comments

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