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  1. 25 Things – List of things… random things… about me.

    February 7, 2009 by Collin

    Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you.

    (To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)

    1 – I’ve had two legal name changes in my life so far. Let’s just say me and the mafia have this thing that goes way back. It’s not true, but let’s say it for giggles.

    2 – I hate to travel, yet I’ve been to England. I hated the trip, but I really enjoyed my two years in the country. The trip back was even worse, and it ended in the the Dallas/Ft. Worth airport. It was like having to go through purgatory and ending up in Hell. Sorry, Jeannie, but I’m no fan of Texas.

    3 – I’m a perfectionist. Just not a very good one. That annoys me.

    4 – I haven’t broken a bone yet. Mine or anyone else’s…. wait, no, I did break Derek Knight’s thumb once, but he was asking for it. I’m still break free though.

    5 – I don’t really know how many movies and TV shows that I have on DVD. Some people can count them off in their head. I can’t do that. Nowhere close. And they are in at least three different rooms of the house.

    5 – What I said about DVDs also applies to video games. I’ve been a gamer since the Atari 2600 days, and really should have pursued a career having something to do with games. But I didn’t. That’s one of my main regrets. I haven’t had all of the major gaming systems, just most of them. 

    6 – I also love to read. Especially humorous fiction. My favorite authors are Terry Pratchett, Christopher Moore, Robert Lynn Asprin and John Scalzi.

    7 – I’ve hydroplaned for about 200 feet on a motorcycle on one of the busiest streets in Colorado Springs. I didn’t crash, but when I was able to recover and stop I was shaky for a half hour.

    8 – I DID crash a motorcycle in a roundabout just outside of Bicester in England. Like an idiot I pulled out without really looking and there was a car ready to smash the crap out of me. So, I gunned straight into the bushes in the middle of the circle, flipped, rolled a couple of times. Next thing I knew there were several concerned Brits gathered around me asking if I was okay. Surprisingly I was, just really embarrassed at being a dumb American.

    9 – Years later, back in the states, I rolled my Volkswagen beetle while taking a corner too sharp on a wet road. I ended up at rest on the driver’s side of the car surrounded by a haze of battery acid – in the old beetles the battery was stored under the backseat, and my car had no back seat, so it splashed everywhere as I tumbled. I was helped out through the passenger door by people who were amazed I wasn’t really screwed up. We got the car back on its wheels and I was able to drive it the rest of the way to work. My throat and chest were hurting and all I could smell was acid. I flushed myself out the best I could in the bathroom, then called my girlfriend at the time to tell her what happened. The first question out of her mouth, “Is the car okay?” She’s my ex now.

    10 – My friend, Mike Burns and I used to do all kinds of stupid things. He was my best friend in third and fourth grades. He had a lazy eye. He was also diagnosed as hyperactive, so he couldn’t eat sugar of any kind. Going to his house for after-school snacks was not a high point of the week, but I felt sorry for him. So I would sit and eat the celery while thinking about the Carnation instant breakfast bar that waited for me at my house. Of the many stupid things we did, two stand out. 

    11 – One was taking a bunch of primer caps from my dad’s ammo bench and taking them out to the sidewalk and hitting them with a hammer. The third one I hit ricocheted off the surface of the sidewalk hand hit him on the forehead about a half inch up and between his eyebrows. It made a crescent shaped cut in his head that bled a bit and scared the crap out of both of us. We learned from that one. 

    12 – The second thing was we would take the powdered bug poison my dad had for the roses and other garden plants, climb up into the rafters of my garage, take a handful of poison each, and toss it into the air while making explosion noises. I recall it looked cool. God knows how much of it we inhaled, and it’s amazing I’m not sitting in corner somewhere passing what little life I have left drooling. I suppose there’s still time for that though.

    13 – I didn’t even know how to drive a car until after I was in tech school in the Air Force when I was 19. And that was an automatic that I wrecked within two months of buying it. I t-boned a car at an intersection because I couldn’t see due to the sun setting behind the Rockies, and the pitted window in the old used car I’d bought. I had been following the car in front of me, trusting that he knew what he was doing. What he was doing was running lights. The guy I hit was massively pissed. He’d just bought the car a week before. What he didn’t do, however, was purchase insurance. So I got a ticket for running the light, and he got a ticket for not having insurance and had to pay for his own repairs. My car was totaled.

    14 – I didn’t learn to drive a standard transmission car until I bought the beetle I mentioned when I was 24. The rest of my time was spent on motorcycles. I loved them. Now I’m thinking if I had a motorcycle it would end me. A shame really, as I would really like one. That said, I wouldn’t want either of my kids to ever ride a motorcycle, unless I was driving it. I don’t trust anyone else, and I can never be a passenger on a bike anymore.

    15 – I’m not very good at being brief.

    16 – If I don’t know you well, I probably come off as someone totally lacking in all human interaction skills and emotions. This is due to my surprisingly intense introversion, and never really living anywhere long enough while growing up to develop decent people skills. Not to mention my adult role models were a bit lacking on their part. I did manage to learn at a rather young age that you need to separate the seeds and stems from the huge pile of weed on the coffee table with precision, or else they pop while the joint is burning and pisses off the adults. That’s not something I would have picked up just anywhere. Once I’m around someone long enough I’ll relax and become somewhat more tolerable.

    17 – One of my cousins liked to chew on the lead weights that were in the bottom corners of the curtains in her room. It was the 70s. She’s a parent now, and her kids seem normal. She offered me one, and I just said no. Okay. Fine. I chewed on it a little bit, but I didn’t like it that much, and I didn’t inhale.

    18 – In spite of #16′s lesson plan, I’ve never done drugs. I could see how it effected the people around me and decided at a very early age that I wanted no part of it. I’ve been in enough dope clouds at an early age though to have developed a few contact highs.

    19 – I don’t drink anymore. I drank a LOT in England, and kept on going heavy back in the States. One night around 1992 while having a fight with the girlfriend from #9, I drank a bottle and a half of Crown Royal. I went all the way past drunk. After that night I felt sick. Very sick. And for several years after, if I so much as tasted alcohol I would feel like I was going to vomit. So I got out of the habit.

    20 – I realize this has been stupid long, so my “things” from here on out are going to be short. Brief, if you will. That thing I’m not good at being. I really like peanut butter.

    21 – My favorite numbers are 9 and 13. 

    22 – My favorite color is green. 

    23 – I don’t like gambling.

    24 – I’m not that keen on sports.

    25 – I’ve never met my biological father, and really have no desire to.

    And there it is. 25 things.


  2. An update and so much more!

    February 5, 2009 by Collin

    First things first, my daughter is adjusting well enough to a daily grind that is chock full of insulin shots, checking blood sugar at least four times a day or more, eating six meals a day, and counting carbs. Speaking of blood checks, there was a string of four or five days where we had to check her blood sugar at 2am because it was below 150 before her bedtime snack. By the end of that run we were both exhausted.

    She needs a breakfast that contains 45g of carbs, a 9 am snack containing 15g, a 11:30 lunch containing 60g, a 2:30 snack containing 60g (long story, involves mother/daughter tradition of sorts), a 6pm dinner of 45g, and a bedtime snack of 15g. We’re going to look at adjusting those amounts a bit so that she can eat more at her main meals because she seems to be constantly hungry lately. She can do in-between snacks of zero-carb foods, but it’s just getting silly lately. She’s eaten enough cheese lately to be nicknamed “Wisconsin”. She had managed to regain half of the weight she had lost before going into the hospital.

    I’m also starting to get a better grip on what the two types of insulin she’s taking do to her system. Pretty soon the diabetes assistant (I don’t know the exact job title) is going to have me take over figuring out the doses. Wheee. No pressure or anything. I’ve already learned that it’s better for her blood to be a little high than to be low.

    On to the “more” of the title. Over at facebook, I’ve been “tagged” to take part in making a list of 25 random things about me. I haven’t had time to do it yet. Honestly, I haven’t had time for much of anything lately, and when I do have time I don’t have energy. BUT. That said, I will be getting to this list either tonight or tomorrow morning. When it’s done I’ll also post it here. I plan to be as random as I can, so it should be fun.

    I also haven’t forgotten the daily doodle, although I might not be starting it up again until Monday. I used to have an hour before starting work, during which I would write a post and get other stuff done. Now my hours have been adjusted so I could leave work a bit earlier so I can get home in time for Jordyn’s dinner, and now I’m lucky if I have 15 minutes free before work. In the morning it takes me 15 minutes to yawn, let alone try to think of anything worth writing about. So if I can’t write anything during lunch, I probably won’t post that day.

    This is a lunch post. Pardon the peanut butter breath.

    Before everything happened with my daughter I had a few potentially humorous things to talk about, but for the life of me I can’t remember them now.

    I do have a bit of advice though. If you are teetering on the brink of exhaustion, do not try to operate a fruit peeler unless you aren’t that fond of the skin on your knuckles. It’s just a bad idea.

    Well, my time for the day is up. I’ll try my hardest to yap at you tomorrow.


  3. Busy

    January 28, 2009 by Collin

    I was too busy on Friday to post, and on Saturday night my daughter had to go to the emergency room. There she was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. She was really close to dying. She didn’t get out of the hospital until yesterday afternoon. We have a lot to learn, but she’s doing much better now. I expect to be very busy until we get a routine developed, so posting will be sporadic if at all. And that’s it. No funny for now.


  4. Songs, magical songs

    January 22, 2009 by Collin

    I woke up with a song I don’t like stuck in my head and it won’t go away. So, as long as it’s here I might as well make fun of it.

    “Wake Up Little Susie” by The Everly Brothers.

    This is what Wikipedia has about the song’s premise:

    The song is written from the point of view of a high school boy to his girlfriend, Susie. In the song, the two go out on a date to a drive-in movie theater, only to fall asleep during the movie. They do not wake up until 4 o’clock in the morning. They then contemplate the reactions of her parents and their friends.

    Although banned in such places as Boston, the song does not state that Susie and her boyfriend had sexual relations. Indeed, it strongly implies that they did not: the couple simply fell asleep because they were bored by the film.

    This song was released in 1957. Here are the key lyrics, my thoughts in red:

    “Wake up, little Susie, wake up
    “We’ve both been sound asleep, wake up, little Susie, and weep
    “The movie’s over, it’s four o’clock, and we’re in trouble deep “

    What drive-in is unmanned in the 50s? Nobody noticed a car just sitting there and thought to check it out before 4 in the morning, at a movie that was supposed to be over before 10 the previous night*? Until reading that, I’d always assumed they fell asleep in the boy’s house watching a movie on TV. It makes more sense, but only barely. Also, nice touch telling her to wake up and cry already.

    “I told your mama that you’d be in by ten
    “Well Susie baby looks like we goofed again”

    *Yeah, I got ahead of the song there, but see? She was supposed to be in by 10. Also, they goofed AGAIN? Kid, if this is becoming a habit, why start worrying now? You didn’t learn anything the first dozen or so times and you managed to live past them. Is this the time where her mama is going to end you with a rolling pin?

    “The movie wasn’t so hot, it didn’t have much of a plot
    “We fell asleep, our goose is cooked, our reputation is shot “

    “Our” reputation? Let’s see.. HER reputation is probably shot, what with acting a slut and all, but you’re gold playah. Although, all this concern of yours about “our” reputation… hmmm…

    “Whatta we gonna tell your mama
    “Whatta we gonna tell your pa
    “Whatta we gonna tell our friends when they say “ooh-la-la” “

    Tell them he’s gay. ‘Out’ his ass. It’s obvious really. He took you to a drive-in movie and you both fell asleep for over six hours and didn’t fool around at all. He wakes up and is panicking like a bitch. He’s gay and you’re his beard. Tell your mama and pa that he’s a boy you feel comfortable with, you spend hours doing each other’s hair and gossiping about which jocks at school are cute. That’ll shut them up. Sure, being outed in the 50s isn’t an optimal thing for him, but at least it puts the reputation ball back in your court, Susie. Ask yourself, “Do I want to be called a slut?” And remember how panicked and whiney he was when you were trying to catch some z’s. Is this a guy you want to ruin your reputation for? As for your friends, shit, they’re gay too. “Ooh-la-la” indeed.

    No doodle today. I’m out of time and really not feeling up for it right now.


  5. More randomness than you can shake a whale at.

    January 21, 2009 by Collin

    Why a whale? Because it’s big and your arms would get tired after one or two shakes, because, honestly, there’s not much to this post today. I figure that I’m feeling a bit run down and was reasonably entertaining yesterday, so eh.
    -
    The other day my daughter was trying to keep our dog’s toy football away from him. Apparently – I was at work at the time, so this is all second hand – he knocked her to the ground and took it from her. Her response: “I’ve been vanquished.”
    -
    I plan to once again take part in the utter crap-shoot that is the Woot T-Shirt Derby this week. Not because I think I’ve gotten any better since I last took part in it. I haven’t, especially on deadline designs. No. It’s because now the reward for having one of the top three shirts for the week is up to $1000, and $2 per shirt that sells after the first day. I lucked into a spot once before, perhaps I can again. So, barring illness, this Thursday after they announce the next theme, I’m going to get my happy ass designing.
    -
    Over at Redneck Diva’s home she had been talking about a recent visit to the dentist. Both my kiddos just had an check up on Monday and they are all kinds of messed up. The girl managed to swing four cavities, although two were on the teeth touching her spacer so they were expected. “Expected” doesn’t mean “free to fix” though. Naturally. I should also mention that she got a huge bag of all kinds of candy from her BFF for her birthday, and now she can’t eat it. At least not as fast as she would like. The boy has cavities on his incoming wisdom teeth, so they are going to need to be pulled. Fun times. Anyhow, over at Diva’s I commented on how we need little birds like alligators have that would sit in our mouths and clean our teeth. Or is it crocodiles? Either way, we need those birds. It would also be nice if they were mint flavored so you could suck on them when they were done, then spit them out and have all kinds of fresh breath. So, get to work on that God. And since birds might not be workable, even with divine direction, my fallback idea is nanobots. Mint flavored nanobots. Get to work on that science. It’s a race!
    -
    “Out of left field.” Why? Specifically, why left field? I realize it’s probably a baseball related saying, and I know as little as I can manage about baseball, but does stuff traditionally come unexpectedly from left field? As traditionally as something unexpected can be, of course. Aren’t there more unexpected places for things to come from in a baseball stadium? “Jesus! That came totally from the hot dog vendor!” I suppose I could research it, but as I’ve said here before, no.
    -
    We have another podcast. In it I say, maybe, three words. Five at the most. Unless Derek dubbed some more in without telling me. Click to listen.

    M. Dung Baby! Awayy!
    -
    That’s long enough. Here’s the next stage in the first SloMo Design:

    What the hell? I don’t know. I really don’t.


  6. What a politicelicous day!

    January 20, 2009 by Collin

    Not this post though. This post is almost 100% politics free, however it could contain trace amounts of peanuts. If while reading this you experience shortness of breath and a swelling in your throat, or you have a history of peanut related allergies, stop reading immediately and consult a physician. You’re dying! Hurry!

    I used to have horrible allergies when I was a kid. It was first misdiagnosed as asthma by some officer tard at the Peterson Air Force Base Medical Center when I was – wait for it… – nine. So for a long time I was the dweebie kid with an inhaler and a fear of physical activity that I’d been told could lead to a thrashing-on-the-floor-clutching-at-my-throat, gaspy death. Fucking inhaler. I hated that thing.

    Many years later when I was 14 and living with my dad in Pueblo, I went in for my first and only allergy test. I don’t know if it’s still done this way, but as I recall at the time they had a rack of needles that were each coated with some form of evil that was poked into your back, it was covered with a sheet of paper or something and then they sat back and watched what happened. Half my frickin’ back blew up. When the doctor lifted the sheet he did that sharp inhalation of breath like “hsst…” and said, “Oh my.” The biggest bumps were cats and politics, and there were about six other lesser bumps that were pulsing for attention. None of the allergies were peanuts of course. That’s not one that creeps up on you, especially if half your diet up to that point was peanut butter in one form or another; Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, peanut butter infused Carnation Instant Breakfast Bars (back when they were good), peanut butter sandwiches, peanut butter cookies, peanut butter on a spoon, etc. What can I say? I’m a fan.

    Over the last 26 years most of my allergies have abated somewhat. I’m still pretty allergic to cats, but not all cats, and if I can avoid touching my face after handling a cat I can usually manage to not run screaming to the bathroom in search of water. It’s a huge step up from where walking into a room with a cat would make my face turn red and cause me to try to claw my brain out through my eyes out for the blessed release that death might bring. I’m still not on board with owning a cat though, which wouldn’t be a problem except both Heather and my daughter would love to have one. My daughter helpfully points out that there is medicine I can buy that would help me be less lame regarding cats. My problem with that theory is, if I don’t have the medicine handy, I would have to leave the house naked (because when you have a cat the hair gets everywhere), hose myself off in the back yard and then hope somebody gets me more medicine. Plus there’s the fear that it will one day decide that I must die and sit on my face while I’m sleeping and nobody is watching.

    Well, that’s pretty much all the time I have for posting today. I hope it was more fun than the last several have been. Here’s the current SloMo Doodle:

    It just felt like a balloon kinda day.


  7. I wish it was Sunday.

    January 19, 2009 by Collin

    ‘Cause that’s my fun day. My “sit around playing Fable 2 for half the damned day” day. But no, it’s time for another Monday. My apologies to The Bangles.

    I’m trying to hold at bay some kind of head sickness that involves sinus pain and a horrible pain back behind the right side of my jaw, just below my ear. Thanks to the new “health plan” that I went with this year – a high deductible with a Heath Savings Plan – and the likelihood that I’m going to take a 7.5% pay cut on top of the 25% cut I took last August – assuming my job doesn’t just go away entirely– I’m going to have to ride this fucker out, wherever it takes me. The good news is the pain that I had behind my jaw has lessened to a dull ache from the stabbing, drop-me-to-my-knees pain that I had whenever I opened my mouth wide or put any pressure on my right molars yesterday. I’m thinking it was caused by drainage from my ear since there wasn’t any swelling as far as I could tell. I also recall this happening before and that was the diagnosis then. The bad news is the sinus pain started this morning, accompanied by a bit of dizziness. Anyhow, here’s hoping this is the worst of it.

    Enough of that.

    I’ll hopefully be writing again tomorrow, and with luck have something worth writing about. Here’s the doodle

    And Trashman, thanks for putting thoughts of a “deformed nipple” in my mind. Still no plan of direction for this one.


  8. Friday Fun!

    January 16, 2009 by Collin

    Well, not fun really. But it is Friday. That’s gotta be worth something.

    My wee girl turns 9-years-old on Sunday, and we’re having a small party for her tomorrow afternoon. So she’s pretty stoked about that. Her mother bought 24 cupcakes for her to take to school and share with classmates today. Justin was unaware of this plan, what with spending most of his time yesterday in the basement studying some horribly complex computer related course that he purchased with his Christmas Barnes & Nobel gift cards. After dinner he said, “Ooh! Can I have a cupcake?” and was instantly told “No!” by everyone else in the house. I think even the dog said no. At the very least he wuffed. Poor guy. You would have thought by our reaction that he’d asked if he could eat a baby.

    Also, an update on the unfortunate rhyme incident I wrote about last week. There have been two suggestions so far that would have been better received by my dearest than “peckerwood” was. The first was from Conqueress who offered ”Pretty good – as I should!,” and the second is from Heather’s friend Shannon; “Pretty good, Hollywood!” Both of which further illustrate that I’m a moron, and should probably have a court order prohibiting me from attempting rhyme.

    I’m feeling a bit ill today, so after this post I think I’m going to lie down for awhile. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

    Here is today’s SloMo Doodle:


  9. Oh happy responsibilities!

    January 15, 2009 by Collin

    So, I’m one of three new memmbers on our Homeowners’ Association Board. I’ve never been a political person, so this should be interesting. It’s a three year term. Hopefully I do more good than harm. I’ve already had one lobbyist which was kinda interesting.

    It’s looking to be a busy day at work, and as far as I know it’s still my short day, so I’ve got to cram eight hours of work into six. I’ll should get started as soon as I’m done posting.

    That said, since I have nothing wondrous to impart, I’ll move along to the SloMo Doodle:

    If you want to see the doodle in an earlier state, scroll back through the posts. When this doodle is done I might turn it into a stop motion style animation and post it. Or, I suppose if you wanted to, you could load each image into its own tab and then quickly cycle through them, flip-book style. Also, at this point I have no idea how many days I’ll drag out a doodle. New is fun!

    And tomorrow is tomorrow, which is when I’ll post again.


  10. The week is only half over.

    January 14, 2009 by Collin

    Bahfooey.

    One thing that might help your Wednesday along; Derek has posted the first of the three Son of Cheese Half-Hour Power Hour podcasts that we recorded last Saturday. In it “we” interview a famed star of such epics as “Elves” and “The Talking Dogs Spoof Spot,” Chris Graham! I say “we” because if you’ve ever listened to the podcast, you’ll know that I really don’t say much. Still, it was a fun time and I hope he joins us again someday.

    I notice there’s no photo of him at his IMDB page. We might need to fix that.

    Click here to listen to the fun:

    We interview major fucking star Chris Graham

    On to other things.

    A long time back Heather tried to get me involved in MySpace. I stuck with it for a bit. A little bit. It just wasn’t for me. I’m not sure why. My page is still there though.

    Now I’m slowly getting drawn into Facebook. If you would like to add me as a friend/contact/conspirator, just click here and do that voodoo that they make you do. Plus, I’ve been told that it’s where all the cool kids go. You want to be cool, don’t you? Of course you do! Next, let’s try smoking!

    You know those kinds of posts that are basically only links to stuff that someone else has found/made? The type that is one tiny step up from a post that says I don’t have anything to talk about today? Since this has already been that kind of post, I may as well link to a story that appeared on BoingBoing a few days ago:

    That’s right, this is that bb story

    Apparently there is a mysterious “roar” in outer space.

    “Alan Kogut of NASA’s Goddard Space Flight Center says he and his colleagues have discovered a mysterious “booming noise” coming from space that’s six times more powerful than all other space radio sources combined.”

    As interesting as the story is, what I really liked were a few of the comments. My favorites being:

    #15: It’s the 20′s
    #16: “Beware, I live!”
    and #45: “It’s coming from inside the solar system, get out now!”

    So, what do you think about the “booming noise”? Is God beat-boxing in the shower? Is it a galaxy of ravers? Does it really matter since a supervolcano is going to blow us all to hell any day now? Tell me what you think.

    And the last thing for today, I’ve decided to start an on-line art project. I’ve done these kinds of things in the past, but not like this. This is going to be a slow motion doodle. I’m starting with a circle (of sorts) and each day I’ll add something to it. At this point I have no idea where it’s going to go. Hopefully it’ll be fun. Here’s the first bit (click it to make it bigger):

    I’ll be back to write at you more tomorrow.