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  1. Never stand between a zombie and his nacho money.

    November 11, 2005 by Collin


    Mad for NACHOS!

    I found this at a fun webpage called Stupid Comics. It’s just a wee part of something bigger, but it’s a pretty good wee part.

    To the best of my knowledge, this is all I have for you today. I’m sorry. Try to soldier on and have yourselves a merry little weekend. Me? I’m going to do my best to avoid death by head cold. Wish me luck.

    Category Adrift | Tags: | 9 Comments

  2. Have you the brain worms?

    November 10, 2005 by Collin

    I really am not sure what is wrong with me. Is it this cold I’ve had for a week now? Is all of the built up bubbly mucus infringing on my grey matter? Or is it something more simple, like the fact that I’m getting old and stuff is just getting lost in there?

    Here’s the deal. I had an ad that was supposed to go out last night at 5pm. 5:30 rolled around and there was still no final approval. At 5:45 the AE (account executive for those “not in the know”) made the decision that it could go out the next morning. All well and good. I was just happy to be able to finally get clear of here.

    Morning rolls around as ususal, and at about 9:20am a different AE comes up to me and says that she needs me to email a PDF of the ad to her so that she can get the client’s approval. It seems the first AE isn’t going to be in and the ad has to go out to the paper absolutely no later than 10am.

    I say “sure thing”, the whole time I’m staring at her. I know her. She’s been here longer than I have. I’ve worked on many of her ads in the past, although nothing recently since she’s taken on more of a supervisory roll. Here’s the thing: I COULDN’T REMEMBER HER NAME!

    I swear, I was drawing a blank. I SHOULD have known her name, I just DIDN’T. I didn’t even know what LETTER it started with. I felt the stirrings of a panic party inside my head. I was about to jokingly say, “And you are…?” and try to laugh it off but I KNEW that by then the panic inside my noggin would have emerged from my tear ducts and settled over my face and she would realize that I’d lost my mind. So I just smiled and stared at her all wide-eyed and stupid looking as she turned and walked out of the room.

    I sat there for a few seconds and concentrated very hard on recalling her name with no luck. It was like trying to superglue a water balloon to a greased monkey. So I turned and consulted the phone list. I didn’t see anything that looked like the vague idea I had of how her name should look on the first pass and the panic surged to an unprecedented level. In that moment it occurred to me how extra stupid this was since I’m the one responsible for updating the phone list.

    During the second more careful look-through I saw a name that SEEMED like it SHOULD be hers, but it still looked wrong. However the more it settled into my head, the more correct it seemed to be. By the time I sent the email I was finally confident that was, in fact, her name.

    And I don’t drink heavily or take copious amounts of drugs. I know! Surprise! Not even small amounts. Probably a good thing too, if this is how bad I am sober.

    Oh, and this isn’t a new development in my head. In the past week I’ve forgotten Heather’s work number and my ex’s phone number, and no doubt other things that I’ve forgotten that I forgot.

    At this point I should probably be grateful that breathing is autonomous.

    Category Adrift | Tags: | 8 Comments

  3. I might be trying to tell me something.

    November 8, 2005 by Collin

    This is one of several ideas that I had for this 50′s era motivational poster. Others were “On the death train with you.”, “Verrily, the Archangel Uncle Sam cast the Adam family from the Garden of New Jersey”, “I will grind your bones to make my steel.”, etc.

    If you have some ideas of your own, click here for the template. If you use it, please leave a comment with a link to what you made.

    Update:
    I couldnt resist.

    Category Adrift | Tags: | 18 Comments

  4. The druids look to be fielding a good team this year.

    November 7, 2005 by Collin

    Category Adrift | Tags: | 4 Comments

  5. A Tough Zombie Quiz

    November 3, 2005 by Collin

    Guardian Unlimited Film | | Zombie film quiz

    At least it was tough for me. I got 5/10. I would hang my head in shame if it weren’t for the rigor mortis.

    Category Adrift | Tags: | 3 Comments

  6. Observations and a glimpse into my dirty, dirty mind.

    November 3, 2005 by Collin

    I found this story via boing boing. These are my observations on the situation:

    • The pervert in me regrets the lack of photos. Seriously. When in your life are you going to get to see a towering wall of boobies? For that matter, does it actually tower or is that just wishful thinking on my part?
    • I wonder if they are located near a train station or on a fault line? That would be something to see. You know. Because of the vibrations. Never mind.
    • Leave it to a Dutchman to come up with the idea. Do you think it might have something to do with growing up surrounded by dikes?
    • Talk about a generalization: “They know all about their car, but never seem to know their wife’s bra size.” First, I know very little about my car. It’s blue and has a deer dent in the front. It runs on a combination of gasoline and my deepest wishes that it continue to do so. There you go. Second, I didn’t even know I was married. Just kidding. I’m not. Not yet. I think the real reason we men don’t recall our significant other’s bra size is because we don’t wear the things. Most of us don’t at least. I’ll bet those that do, remember. Normally, our sole bra concern is how to remove it all stealthy like. Size? “Off” is usually a good size, but it’s difficult to wrap.
    • While I do think this is a nifty idea to help men shop for their special someone’s frilly lacy knocker rockers, I really hope they are filming the men as they determine the size they need. Those are movies I’d like to see. Personally I get embarrassed just walking through a lingerie section more than twice. I can’t even imagine how much worse it would be to have people staring at me while I cop a feel off a wall.
    • I wonder if they make you form a line, or is it every man for himself? Has there ever been a free-for-all at the booby wall? I just wanted to say that.
    • Do you have to agree to the purchase of a bra before they’ll allow you to touch the wall? Is it legally binding?
    • If you are really short and your wife’s size might be near the top, do they provide a stepladder?
    • I hope it’s well secured. As funny as it would be, I wouldn’t like to have my epitaph read: “He was killed by a falling wall of breasts due to forgetting to let go before walking away”.
    • I wonder if you could stick a group of babies to them? It could be like a Japanese game show event. Or performance art.
    • Seriously, there needs to be a photo. For instance, are they just the silicon inserts slipped into ziplock bags and nailed to the wall, or has some effort been put into making them realistic? Are they mannequin dead white or does the tone change across the wall? What is the maximum size and is it positioned closer to the floor? I imagine there must be some realism to them since it states: “By look and touch, male shoppers can work out the right size …”
    • And that’s another thing. It says “male shoppers”. Does this mean that women are prevented access to the booby wall? What if you are a lesbian out shopping for your someone significant? Do all lesbians know the cup size of their lovers? Do I really even want to know the answer to that question?
    • Are they arranged in pairs, or singles?
    • Does it say something dirty in braille?
    • Have they considered making a breast column that you could turn like a sunglass rack? They could call it a rack rack.
    • Are they planning on making a climbing wall?
    • How about a wall of willies to help women chose the right sized boxers for their men?

    … and that’s probably more than enough of that.

    Category Adrift | Tags: | 7 Comments

  7. Ooo what fun.

    November 3, 2005 by Collin

    I’ve been busy, and today God has apparently seen fit to try to blow us away with wind. We also lost power for about a half hour or so. Of course, it couldn’t just go out and stay out. No. It had to go out for a few seconds then come on long enough for us to try and reboot our computers. Then go out again. Twice. It’s not like I had a 10 am deadline or anything. Needless to say, deadline missed.

    What else?

    Oh yeah, I was going to mention yesterday – except I was too busy for my own good – that Jared over at Head Injury Theater was once again awesome. For October he was offering to paint any photo you sent him of you in a costume. Since I don’t wear costumes, earlier this month I sent him photos of my kids in their costumes from last year. He did a great job. A couple days ago I sent along the photos that I’ve posted here, not expecting him to actually paint them as well. Not only did he paint them, he did it quick as hell ( I don’t think he really ever sleeps) and it turned out quite wonderful. Justin laughed for at least three full minutes after seeing it.

    You can see it and a lot more Halloween goodness here, including a contest that he’s running: Identify the monsters and win a prize. When I get some time I’m going to give it a shot.

    Also, I’ve decided to play with comment spam, at least until it rises up and threatens to engulf me. Don’t worry, I wash my hands when I’m done.

    I think that’s it for now. Have a great Thursday.

    Category Adrift | Tags: | 9 Comments

  8. If you haven’t seen this movie…

    November 1, 2005 by Collin

    You should. It’s fantastic. Here’s what Orson Scott Card thought of it: Serenity – Uncle Orson Reviews Everything

    Category Adrift | Tags: | No Comments

  9. My Little Monsters

    November 1, 2005 by Collin

    Well, one little monster and one big monster. Would you believe, my son is only 12 years old – 13 in March – and he’s within an inch or so of being as tall as I am? I’m 5’10″. Not a giant, but still. He’s huuuuuuge! I’m sure that more than one adult passing out candy last night thought he’s too old to be trick-or-treating. Poor kid. 12! Here he is in all his Halloweenie glory this year:


    You talkin’ to me?


    Gotch’yer face!

    Then there’s the girl. She’s going to be tall early too. She just started kindergarten and she looks like she should be in 3rd grade. I guess they both managed to unlock the giant gene while they were floating in the birthin’ fluid. Oh well, too late to do anything about it now. Heeeeeere’s girlie:


    But daddy! Nobody’s going to think I’m cute!

    Okay, the original plan was for her to be a Killer Queen, like the song, but her girl genes kicked in at the last minute and she decided she would rather be cute. So when it came time to actually do the door-to-door candy beggin’ she passed on the mask:


    That’s better!

    The candy donors at quite a few of the apartments we stopped at told her she was cute and/or gorgeous. Her answer? “Yes, I am.”

    And a final Halloween bonus for me, over at the Retropolitan’s little patch of the net I seem to have won a contest. This is the first thing that I’ve won since art school. To say that I was surprised would be an understatement. I’ll let you all know what the surprise prize is when I get it.

    I hope everyone had a great Halloween. I really, really need to do more with it next year.

    Category Adrift | Tags: | 7 Comments

  10. It’s flat and rushed, but…

    October 31, 2005 by Collin

    Category Adrift | Tags: | 7 Comments

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