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  1. My son…

    July 11, 2005 by Collin

    Okay, I may get attacked for writing about this. My son is almost as tall as me now and he’s only 12. But I’m going to press on anyway because it was funny. And I’m pretty sure that I can still take him.

    The boy sleeps weird. He’ll tie himself into a pretzel, talk in his sleep, get up and wander from his bed to the couch. Now there is a new thing to add to his list of sleeping activities.

    The other night he fell asleep on my bed. I tried to wake him up and get him to go to his own bed but his body had just decided that it needed sleep and it needed it NOW! Like in “Sims” when you push them too hard and they drop right there on the floor while the house burns down around them. So I left him as he was, under a blanket. I can’t lift him and I wasn’t about to try and fight him.

    My bed is very low to the ground and he was right along the edge of it. About an hour into his nap he seemed to wake up with a very unfocused look. Then he suddenly reached out onto the carpet by the bed, picked something up, popped it onto his mouth and closed his eyes again while chewing and smiling.

    My son was sleep eating!

    Off the floor!

    I was totally shocked! I said, “Justin! What did you just eat?” but a glazed look remained plastered on his face while he made babble noises. I kept asking until he woke up enough to say, “Nothing.” then dropped back to sleep.

    I eventually got him up and into his own bed and he slept through the rest of the night. I forgot to find out if he remembered anything about it the next day.

    I still have no idea if he ate a lint ball, an unlucky bug or a bit of dream food.

    It was so weird.


  2. Rather than…

    July 8, 2005 by Collin

    … than end my Friday post with such a downer post, I offer you this:

    After You

    Found on a nice trip through Stumble.

    Enjoy!


  3. Family Moments

    July 8, 2005 by Collin

    I was reading a story at a blog I was checking out a bit ago. It has to do with something nice that his older brother had done for him when he was 7 or 8. It got me thinking about my older half-brother, Scott.

    I would have been around 5 or 6 at the time. Possibly 7. My sense of time is… flawed. Scott is at least 6 or 7 years older than me which would have made him around 13. My mom, dad and I were living in an apartment building at the time. I’m not sure what floor. Well above the 4th. Possibly as high as the 12th or so.

    Scott was visiting from Corpus Christi where he lived with his mom. My mom and our dad both worked so Scott was keeping an eye on me. I can no longer recall what motivated him to do this. Possibly he was just bored or I had made him angry or something. I’m thinking bored because it seems to me he was laughing at the time. He took it into his head to hold me out the window. As I recall he wanted to hear me say something before he would pull me back in. I can’t remember what though. Probably something about how great he was. That kind of thing. So there I was, dangling out the window so high up that if I had slipped it would have all been over. I was terrified out of my mind.

    He finally did pull me back inside and told me to calm down. He wasn’t going to drop me. I must have cried for hours. To this day I always freak out a bit when I’m near the edge of a drop that is higher than 10 feet or so. Surprisingly I don’t have a fear of flying. It’s something to do with being on the edge.

    I’ve heard that he has gone through some tough times in his adult life. Was in a motorcycle accident. Has a drug problem. Got kicked out of the military. Etc.

    Scott, wherever you are, eat shit. Die. Burn in Hell.

    Everybody else, have a great weekend!


  4. Finally…

    July 7, 2005 by Collin

    Okay, both posters are finalized and up at the store. Under “Zombie Gear” of course. I’m going to do my absolute best to resist tinkering with either of them any more. I may, however, do some all new Zombie Geriatric stuff down the line. The ideas are a poppin’.

    Here are the final posters:

    Let me know what you think, as long as you aren’t trying to talk me into changing them anymore. Derek.

    Also, for those of you who are tired of all this zombie talk I’ve finally gotten around to making a new CliparToon. Yes, it is a Christmas miracle.

    For those of you unfamiliar with David Bowie, “Golden Years” is one of his songs. “What does it have to do with whipping a child?” you may ask. Nothing. The “whop whop whop” just seemed to fit. And really, what elderly person doesn’t look forward to laying down some hickory on a brat to the beat of a Bowie tune in their golden years? Darned few, I’m thinking.

    whop whop whop


  5. Wheeeeeeee!

    July 6, 2005 by Collin

    This is the best addition to Firefox that I have ever seen. StumbleUpon. Simply awesome. Thanks to Matthew Baldwin over at defective yeti for pointing it out. If any of you choose to install it and would like to add me as a “friend” my user name is “Pensketch”.

    Also, thanks everyone for your opinions on my zombie posters. I’m thinking that I will do a few more “tweaks” to both versions and then offer them both at my CafePress store. That way, if you are so inclined, you can get the one you like best, rather than limit the options.

    Thanks to everyone who has commented on them so far, and if you have anything you would like to add I would be happy to read it.


  6. Zombie Poster Update

    July 6, 2005 by Collin

    I’m too busy to fix what I see as a flaw in the drawing, but I did rearrange the layout a bit and I would like opinions. Do you think this one is better, or is the other one better?

    I’m also wondering if I should just change it to just “Twilight of the Dead”. Again, opinions?


  7. You didn’t ask for it!

    July 6, 2005 by Collin

    But you still got it!

    Yet another zombie picture from the mind of me:

    I like it. That’s all that matters, right? Right? Yessss… right.

    A big “Thank you!” goes out to the really, really, REALLY old drivers that kept materializing in front of me last week. I couldn’t have done it without you. You may now stop driving. Please.

    For anyone interested I should have CafePress junk up, including posters, within the week.

    Arrgh. The more I’ve looked at this, the less I like it. There is (to my eye) one major flaw in it. Dammit. I’ll see if I can fix it later, if anyone else spots it. I’m betting Derek will.


  8. What is the sound of one spam clapping?

    July 5, 2005 by Collin

    I came in this morning after a decent 3-day holiday weekend (only decent because my Heather had to work last night and wasn’t able to join us for fireworks watching), checked my mail and then proceeded to sort out the spam. As I was tossing out the duplicate offers for drugs, rolexes and discount software I was lamenting the good, old fashioned, stupid spam that was fun to tear apart. It’s been quite some time since I’ve seen any. There was something I tried to send from my home account to my work account but it never showed up for some reason.

    Then, like a downed cesna beacon in a sea of average spam there was this: “Does your default home page keep changing mysteriously?

    I thought to myself, “No. No it doesn’t. But I wonder what you are trying to sell me.” and then I clicked on it. I was surprised to actually see a spam that I hadn’t seen 50+ times before! I smiled while reading through it. This is one of those spams that tries so hard to not be spam but just can’t shake its spammy roots. Here’s a screenshot of it so you’ll know what it looks like:

    And now I shall break it down (gimme a beat!):

    WARNING! (AAAAAHHHH!!! WHAT?!)
    YOU’RE IN DANGER! (Omigod! NOOOOOOOoooooooOOoooo! ooo. o. What?)

    ALL YOU DO WITH COMPUTER IS STORED FOREVER IN YOUR HARD DISK. (That’s a mighty long time. But I’m here to tell you…) WHEN YOU VISIT SITES, SEND EMAILS… (Touch yourself on your “naughty spots” in front of your monitor.) ALL YOUR ACTIONS ARE LOGGED. (And utterly disgusting. Seriously. Stop it.) AND IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO REMOVE THEM WITH STANDARD TOOLS. (Like a hammer, screwdriver, auger, flamethrower, moose… you get the idea) YOUR DATA IS STILL AVAILABLE FOR FORENSICS. (Those guys that start looking through your computer after you are arrested for chatting with “BabyBettyBootie” in the “Not-at-all Legal” chat room.) AND IN SOME CASES FOR YOUR BOSS, YOUR FRIENDS, YOUR WIFE, YOUR CHILDREN. (Your friend’s boss’ wife’s child’s trained helper monkey. It’s a crime against God to show a helper monkey just what you’ve been up to. You don’t want to piss off God more than you already are, do you?)

    Every site you or somebody or even something, like spyware (or killer robots from Mars), opened in your browser, with all images, and all downloaded and maybe later removed (– we’re giving you the benefit of the doubt here –) movies or mp3 songs – ARE STILL THERE and could broke your life! (Broke it so bad that you’ll never pick up the pieces! Still thinking it was a good idea to get a computer, you stupid bastard? Now you’ve gone and broke your life! Should have stuck to the girlie mags. Not literally, you nasty…)

    SECURE YOURSELF RIGHT NOW! (Get a gun! Move your computer down into a bomb shelter! Set out some boobie traps! Quit your job! Shun your friends! Tell your wife to go to Hell! Sell the children! Give the helper monkey a banana!)
    REMOVE ALL SPYWARE FROM YOUR PC! (Or you could do that I suppose.)

    Then of course there is a link that very likely, if followed, will install spyware on your computer. Yes, I am a pessimist. But at least I’m a funny one.

    I find a few things interesting about this ad. The grammar is bad (“could broke your life!” The word you are looking for is “ruin.” “Ruin your life!”), but the spelling is great. Not something you usually see. They even get “you’re” and “your” right. I have problems with that once in a while if I’m in a hurry.

    I was really amused by how they slipped “spyware” in. The entire first paragraph is supposed to generate paranoia in people who have been “naughty” with their computer usage and then all they have to offer at the end of the email is possibly a tool for removing spyware. How is their “non-standard spyware removal tool,” if it exists, going to help me with my boss, friends, wife, children prowling through my histories and cache? How does that help with the stuff set up in the first paragraph? It doesn’t. It’s stupid.

    Even though I don’t want to help these yo-yos refine their scheme, their stupidity pains me so much that I need to do something. So let’s do a remix of a sort, shall we? And by “we” I mean “I”. You can just keep reading.

    First, who is their target and what are they offering them? From the looks of it, they are targeting paranoid people who have been doing the “devil’s business” on their PCs and who don’t know how to manage their traces. They would probably prefer people who don’t really know much about how a computer does what it does. They are offering a tool to remove spyware. Okay. How about this?

    —-
    Subject: Do you have something you would like to share with the world?

    Hi! It’s awesome that you chose to open this mail! A lot of people are afraid to open mail from strangers these days. It’s a scary internet out there and you never know what might happen. For example, say I were to send the last twenty image files you’ve viewed on your computer to everyone in your address book and also cc: a copy to the FBI and your local vice enforcement unit.

    That would suck huh?

    Is your heart beating faster just thinking about that?

    How about if I told you that you might already have a program on your computer that is operating invisibly and doing something just like that? It was put there by that one little fun and free game that you played the other day without you knowing it. You wondered at the time why someone would be willing to just give away such a fun game. Now you know. But it’s not too late to do something about it. Visit this link and we’ll tell you how to get rid of these buried programs and protect yourself from them in the future.

    Have a great day!
    —-

    Better? I think so. What do you think?

    Oh, my “zombie” idea from last week still isn’t made but I’ve refined the idea a bit and shared it with Heather and it amused her, so I will be pressing on with it. Should be done by Friday, and if it’s as well received as I hope it will be I’ll have it on shirts and whatnot soon after.


  9. Put a bounce in your step.

    July 1, 2005 by Collin

    My friend Justin C. linked to a site where you can get a special little bit of a male kangaroo to wear around your neck just like the Aboriginals did as a warning to the first white settlers ‘down-under’.

    Personally, I don’t want one but I’m pretty sure that this site is one of the few, if not the only one that offers you a link to “Shop for Scrotums“*. I may have to bookmark them just for that alone because you never really know when you might be involved in a horrible, horrible accident that could leave you one scrotum short. I’m not going to dwell on just what type of accident that might be. It’s enough to say that it would be “horrible”.

    A snippet from their main page: “all cherish their personal Kangaroo Scrotum, their ‘RooSack’, which is put to a myriad of practical uses.” Such as containing candied ‘RooBalls’ for those that like a bit of irony in their snackies.

    Now I’m going to be a bit nasty (nastier?) with this next observation/question. I apologize in advance, but I really am curious to know… How many men who purchase their very own ‘RooSack’, after it has arrived and being sure nobody is around to see… how many of them slip it around their own tackle to see if they will magically be supplied with a kangaroo suit like Mario when he picks up a coon skin cap in ‘Super Mario 3′? Or even just to see how it fits? I’m thinking “Some.”

    May all my American visitors have a great 4th of July weekend and all my foreign visitors have a great weekend that happens to end on the 4th of July.

    I have another zombie related piece of artwork that I’ll try to have for you by Tuesday. Or later today. But probably Tuesday. Next Friday at the latest.


    * Okay, I followed the link and I almost smothered myself by trying to not laugh out loud when I read on the Large Size RooSack that it “Comes loose”. Somewhere there is a large male kangaroo, sitting all sad in the bush and saying, “No shit! I wish I’d known.”

    Once again, be glad you don’t have my brain.


  10. A 3-Piece Review of "Land of the Dead"

    June 30, 2005 by Collin

    Last Friday on opening night Heather, my son Justin, my brother Trevor, his girlfriend Sarah* and I went to the opening night showing of the new George Romero kitten filled extravaganza ‘Land of the Dead’. It was a wonderful, yet sad movie about a group of kittens trying to make it on their own after mamma cat and daddy cat run off to Las Vegas to seek fame and fortune. One of the hardest hitting moments in the film was when the baby kitten had to be traded to the corner grocer for a box of Meow Mix™. It really tugged at the heart strings… Oh. Wait. That wasn’t ‘Land of the Dead’. That was something else entirely. That’s right! ‘Land of the Dead’ was that ZOMBIE flick! No kittens. There was a rat though.

    After the movie I got the idea that Heather, Justin and I would each write what we thought of the film and I would post it. Am I not a genius? Nononono… Don’t shake your head. Nod your head. Yeah. Like that.

    Here we go!

    Heather’s Review:

    I’m not as big of a zombie-movie aficionado as dear Collin is so it was with some trepidation that I followed him to the theatre to see Land Of The Dead, the latest installment in George Romero’s zombie collection. After all, Bewitched had opened that same day and I’m a HUGE fan of Samantha Stevens. But, I love Collin so I said, “We must go see Land Of The Dead.”

    I wasn’t expecting much – just a lot of blood, gore, guts and brain smorgasbords. I was pleasantly surprised.

    I liked the characters for the most part. Simon Baker did a good job being the hero, doing what needed to be done. I loved John Leguizamo as the good bad guy & Dennis Hopper is one the most perfect men to play the villain. And he had a couple of great laugh-out-loud lines.

    As for the zombies, I liked the way they started to think a bit more than just rushing around willy-nilly looking for brains to eat. The lead zombie, Big Daddy, was just cool, plain & simple. At a point where someone shot at him, I actually heard myself yelling, “NO!” and feeling relief when the shot missed. I hadn’t expected that of me.

    There were a couple other characters that I really liked – Baker’s sidekick was great… a very sympathetic & likable role… and also the guard Pillsbury. I adored him!

    I’m sure by now you’ve all heard that Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, the two leads from Shaun Of The Dead, were given roles as zombie extras which I think ROCKS! However, Collin had forgotten about this little tidbit until the middle of the movie so by then, their part had already passed. If you haven’t seen it already, look for the two zombies in the “Get Your Picture With A Zombie” booth. That’s them!!

    Some people are complaining about the ending… I didn’t see anything wrong with it. I’m a romantic & I like things to turn out the best for everyone, even zombies.

    Justin’s Review (after much complaining and “Do I have to?”s):

    Land Of The Deaf.. i mean Dead

    Well I think mainly what makes this zombie movie different from others is not only that zombies learn (go figure), but that it starts with 0.0 seconds (not counting intro of blank screen) of no zombies. It starts off after the zombie break out. Oh and also this has GOTTA be the mightiest fall of all anti-zombie bases ever in all of zombie movie history… IT WAS A WHOLE CITY!!!!! (all armed and ready, except for homeless :-( ). Now I’d say this was a very decent movie, it was definitely worth the 10-30 bucks it costs, but id rather have it on dvd. It was a funny, serious, scary and cool movie (there were very gory parts and very humorous parts)(or am i thinking of Shaun Of The Dead?). This is my first review on anything (games,movies,w/e).

    And finally, my review, the bulk of which is hidden to protect your mind from the horrors… horrors… and spoilers:

    I think it was quite well done, especially considering the last zombie movie Romero made was 20 years ago. And to be honest, I didn’t really care that much for ‘Day of the Dead’. I found it quite frustrating, although I may need to watch it again just to be sure. ‘Land’ was overall satisfying to the zombie movie lover in me.

    There were plenty of scenes where zombies were doing what zombies do best, and it was nice to see that Romero didn’t deviate from his original slowly walking dead. I did enjoy the speedy “infected (they weren’t really “zombies”)” in ’28 Days Later’ because that fit well with the idea behind the Rage victims. The fear behind that movie was how quickly people could change and attack you and how fast you had to be to stay alive. The fear that fuels Romero’s zombies is the fact that unless you are caught off guard, one or two zombies aren’t going to be a problem. But the longer you are stuck in one area the more zombies will arrive until no matter how well prepared you think you are, you will be overwhelmed.

    I feel the bulk of the actors did a fine job.

    So, I really enjoyed the movie and will be happy to add it to my DVD collection when it’s finally released. However I’m one of those people who didn’t really like the ending and I’ll tell you why in stealth text since it contains spoilers. Highlight the area between the two sets of “***“s if you aren’t worried about having the ending ruined.

    ***
    One of the main characteristics I feel is vital to a zombie movie, or any horror movie really, is the knowledge that no character, no matter how much you may like him or her, is guaranteed to make it out alive. In Romero’s first movie the last person left alive after a night of fighting off the living dead steps out of the house he was holed up in and is shot through the head by one of the redneck groups who were clearing the area of the wobbling dead. It was a very powerful ending in my opinion. Nobody’s safe.

    In the original Dawn of the Dead, if I’m remembering correctly, two of the original three people to whole up in the mall make it out alive, but they do it in a helicopter with no idea where they are going next. Not a happy ending.

    In Day of the Dead nobody makes it out alive, but the bulk of that is due to the few remaining survivors fighting among themselves. The eggheads versus the jocks with the zombies basically sidelined until the end when they get loose, swoop in and destroy the scattered remaining living. Bub was cool though.

    And now we have the fourth in the series. Halfway through the movie when Heather leaned over to me and said that she really liked Charlie (Baker’s sidekick) I replied with, “Me too, but don’t get too attached. Remember that nobody is safe in a zombie movie.”

    MAJOR SPOILER WARNING!

    With the exception of the likable rookie scavenger that dies at the beginning of the movie, not a single one of the major character “good guys” is killed by the zombies or otherwise. Not one. Oh sure, there are several close shaves to keep the tension high, and a couple of them are very cool, but no fatalities among the good. You might say, “What about that guy that was bit by the flip top zombie?” He wasn’t around long enough to determine if he was a good guy or a bad guy. He, along with two other soldiers, was placed with the good guys by the over all head bad guy Dennis Hopper. So, to me, he doesn’t count.

    So there’s that.

    But this last bit really gets to me. I wanted to overlook it because the rest of the movie was really good but the more I think about it, the more it bugs me. When it happened Trevor said quite loudly, “That was LAME!” Here’s what happens: Everyone is back in the Dead Reckoning (armored assault vehicle they had just rescued from ‘The Pest’), they’ve just blown open the electrified gates and freed some of the trapped living, one of whom we last saw being taken into custody for being a reactionary so no idea how he got loose. Some zombies are seen crossing a foot bridge in the distance and we zoom in to see that one of them is Big Daddy, the smartest zombie in the area. The person manning the miniguns of the vehicle reaches for the triggers to blow them back to the grave and Baker says, “Stop. All they want is somewhere to go. Same as us.”

    … um…

    Okay. Perhaps he’s just sick of killing. That’s what I thought at first. “Leave them be. Enough is enough. I’m off to Canada anyhow and there’s no way he’ll get a passport.” Except for one teensy problem. Big Daddy isn’t some repressed minority sticking it to the man. He’s a zombie that is learning new things like how to kill with a gun and flame, and he’s trying to teach the other zombies. When he’s done trashing that human outpost he’s probably going to move on and kill more people, pass along his knowledge to more zombies. He’s not going to settle in and raise zombie chickens. He’s going to remain a threat to living humans for as long as he’s capable of locomotion. The gunner SHOULD have given Baker a “What? Are you crazy?” look and then squeezed the triggers and mowed them all back to hell. But no. She didn’t. Instead they start the drive to Canada and decide against all logic that just because the zombies here are no longer mesmerized by the fireworks they no longer need them and fire them all off as they go. Hello?! They may still work on the Canadian zombies you big hearted dummy. And unless that vehicle has a fusion reactor you may have a bit of trouble taking it all the way to Canada.

    In spite of this flaw (as I see it) I would still happily watch it again.
    ***

    And there you have it.


    * I think that’s how she spells her name. I know there are several ways to spell “Sarah” and I’ve never seen her way in writing before. She couldn’t have a simple name to spell like “Bob” or something. Oh well. If I’m wrong I’m sure I’ll hear about it.