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  1. What’s this in my bag?

    November 12, 2004 by Collin

    I went to Chipotle for lunch the other day, and in the bag when I pulled out my food was an advertisement card. Apparently they are offering a vegetarian burrito now, and this is some kind of tie-in… BUT! Well. Fine. Here’s the front of the thing so you can see it yourself:

    On an ad that has only three elements (title, logo and “slogan”) isn’t there some kind of limit to the number of sexual innuendoes allowed? Like maybe, I dunno, one? And if there are more than one, should their messages conflict with each other?

    The first one made me chuckle (the title), because I have that kind of sense of humor. But the second one… Okay, let’s assume this is targeting vegetarians in an effort to get them interested in the new burrito. How many of them will be amused by, “You Can’t Beat Our Meat.”? None of the really serious ones I would imagine.

    We have a newly hired vegetarian in the art department, and as much as I would love to get her reaction to this, I’M not going to be the one to show it to her. I may not like my job, but I do need it.

    But wait! It gets better! On the back of this card is just the kind of information that is CERTAIN to draw the vegans into Chipotles around the country:

    That’s right! “The Meat On Our Meat”!

    You will notice, I hope, that throughout the entire text they never refer to “cows”. It’s always called by its end-product name of “beef”. Hmmm. Oh yeah, and the introduction of “bovinely” and “bovine” in the place of “divinely” and divine” is a nice, “witty” touch. “Only the best witty for OUR customers!”

    In my opinion they may as well have added at the bottom, “See, vegans, we aren’t just mincing up any old mobile beef that we happen to find by the roadside. Just the pure ones! They are so much better tasting than your average, chemically and mentally fucked up, um… beef. Even better than eating a vegetarian if you ask our ad guys! And in this way we are helping to make the world a better place. Our meat-eating customers are getting healthier, safer beef bits to chew and you can go hug the nasty poisoned ones to your veggie lined heart’s content. Win-win!”

    Although there really wasn’t enough room on the card I suppose.

    I just don’t know… On the one hand I’m amused at the absurdity of it all. On the other hand I have to wonder just what were they thinking? Did it twig in any of their brains how this looks? Or is it intentional? A viral marketing ploy of some bizarre kind? Get the vegans in the joint angry if you have to, but get them in so we can sell them veggie burritos.

    Anyway, back to work. Have a good weekend all! I’ll start answering questions “soon”!


  2. Deja Vu-doo 2

    November 11, 2004 by Collin

    Slightly more sophisticated looking, a little more convincing perhaps, but still a lie! LIE! I also like the sender’s address.

    Such a wonderful grasp of language on display. It’s almost artistic.

    Remember, it’s “obligatory to folow” like a good little lemming.

    Anyway, back to work.


  3. One more quick Halo 2 note.

    November 11, 2004 by Collin

    I really enjoyed what this guy had to say about his experience waiting to get the game. And I did not find this looking for stuff about Halo 2. I’m not that …mmmm… “obsessed” was the word, I think. It was just a happy coincidence.

    That is all.

    Go back to whatever it was you were doing.


  4. It’s Wednesday

    November 10, 2004 by Collin

    For those of you who aren’t paying attention, or those who are in a radically different time zone. I’m busy at work and the next two days are probably going to be quite busy as well. You see, Derek’s abandoning us tomorrow and Friday to go celebrate his wedding of all things. So, extra work for all. Yay. But seriously, I hope Derek has a fantastic four day Anniversary. We’ll be waiting for him on Monday.

    I am working on (ie: thinking about how to go about starting) a post that covers my various obsessions and addictions, but that’s probably not going to be done until Monday-ish.

    In the meantime here’s how I feel about Halo 2 having played it (but not played it on XBox Live) for about 2.5 hours (1 hour single player and 1.5 in system link battle with my son and daughter):

    It’s like the first Halo only “more”. More weapons, more expansive levels, more story development, more vehicles (and destructible), more enemies, more details, and overall more fun.

    But there are some glitches that surprise me considering how long it was in development.

    Even more fun than in the first Halo is the multiplayer game. There still aren’t computer controlled bots to fill things out if you don’t have Live. In that case you need friends and a big enough TV that playing on a split screen isn’t too annoying (or extra XBoxes and TVs to enjoy system-link. It cuts down on cheating, but costs more.)

    I do have Live, but haven’t tried it out yet. I want to dust off my (hah) “skillz” first. The other problem is I don’t like a lot of the asshats that can be found on Live. Still, I’ll try it out this weekend and see how it is.

    Oh yeah. To fill out the next two days here at F&P, since I won’t have much time for creating funny things on my own, I may as well snag the whole, “Ask a question and I’ll make up SOME answer to it later” thingie that’s been going around. So. Go ahead. Ask me some questions and I’ll tell you some lies. I reserve the right to ignore any that don’t amuse me though.

    And that’s it. My break’s up and I have to get back to “it”. Have a good night all.


  5. Quickie bit

    November 9, 2004 by Collin

    STARZ- The 30 second Texas Chainsaw Massacre as done by bunnies.


  6. This isn’t the line for flu shots?

    November 9, 2004 by Collin

    Yeah, like my sweetie Heather mentioned, I dragged myself out of bed after about an hour of sleep at midnight to head over to my local GameStop to pick up my reserved copies of Halo 2. Actually, these are two of the four copies that I somehow managed to reserve. Here’s the timeline breakdown (If it’s boring, feel free to skip down to the second set of “—”s):



    Last year before the Babbages in the Citadel Mall changed their name to GameStop I reserved a copy of Halo 2 because it was “said” that it would be out early 2004. Apparently not said by Bungie or Microsoft though since it kept getting delayed (June, Early Summer, Early Fall, Sometime Fall, finally “officially” November 9). It kinda reminds me of the new computers we’re supposed to have here at work by now. Anyway.

    Earlier this year I reserved another copy at Game Crazy (affiliated with Hollywood Video) so that my brother could participate in a Halo competition. I figured no biggie, he could pay for that copy and then he would be set. If he won he would be getting a free copy of Halo 2. He did not win.

    Around July or August a brand new GameStop opened about a mile or so from my house and we (me, my brother, my son and daughter) were in there checking things out when Trevor pointed out the sample case of the Limited Edition of Halo 2 that was going to be available. I had recently purchased an additional XBox so that we could play system linked games and thought it would be a good idea to reserve one of those Limited Edition versions and then, rather than run all across town on release date to get them both, I reserved a regular version as well. I figured I would just transfer the credit from the one I had at the first GameStop to something else. But I never got around to it.

    A few weeks ago one of the AEs expressed an interest in paying me for the game and using my unclaimed reserve when it was released. Sounded good to me.

    This past weekend I made arrangements at Game Crazy for Trevor to be able to pick up the game there without me having to be with him. Then when I called him later I was told that he had gone ahead and payed off his own reserve at the FIRST GameStop where my original reservation was, and didn’t bother to tell me. So now I’m back to one extra on reserve that I won’t be getting. I considered scalping it, but nah. It’s not worth it to me.

    And that’s where things were when I dragged myself from my bed at the earliest hour of this morning. I realized when I was about half way there that I was really not awake enough to drive. Luckily there wasn’t much traffic. Or people. Or other stuff that would go *dent!*

    When I was stopped at the traffic light that leads into the mall area where the store was the driver of an old, primer gray colored Chevrolet Ugly was screaming at the top of his lungs, “YES! YES! YES!” and waving his copy of the game out his window. That was amusing. And I could see from where I sat that there was a bit of a line.

    It turns out there were two lines. One for the people who only reserved with the minimum $5 (that’s me) and one for the people who paid it off in advance. There were about 35-40 people waiting in the $5 line and the advance line was two to three times longer. Lots-o-people. I took my place in the $5 line and waited. They were letting about 5 people from my line in at a time and 5 from the other. It was all very orderly.

    Two people soon lined up behind me. One of them was a drunk motorcyclist who turned out to be an interesting person and the other was a guy who came with a friend and was hoping there would be an extra copy that he could purchase. HAH. Poor guy. We told him that it was highly unlikely but he decided to try anyway.

    After about 30 minutes of waiting the doorman cut off our line from entering right at me. So there was me, the two guys behind me, and about 50 people (I’m guessing because the end of the line wrapped around the building) in the other line. I was thinking, “Why? Why not just let us three in and then you will be down to one line? Arrgh.”

    Some blonde chick took this opportunity to come up to the doorman and ask why their line was so long and ours was so short. That’s how riots start, dummy. Fortunately the door guy handled it well, my drunk line member pointed out that our line would be gone soon, a motorcycle cop walked up and made his shiny bald headed presence known and she went back to her spot in line all grumbly like.

    While waiting for the doorman to realize, “Hey, I can eliminate this line by being less of an ass and a tinch more clever!” I looked in the window and noticed a DVD set of CSI on their used DVD shelf. After I was long out of there… so long in fact that I didn’t think of it until I talked to Heather this morning… I thought it would have been very funny to have gone straight to the CSI set to see what season it was before heading to the counter to get the game. Especially with so many people outside DYING to get in there. heheh. But no. Once we were in I went straight to the middle cashier, got my games, paid and left.

    They even had a photographer taking photos of people as they came in. Good thing I looked all sharp and stuff. I *think* I was fully dressed. I *know* my hair was everywhere. I didn’t fall or drool. All good.

    Then I drove home and went to bed. I got up about five hours later and came to work. That’s right. I still haven’t played the game that I’ve been waiting so long to play. I knew that if I popped it in and even so much as LOOKED at the opening movie, that would be it. I would not have gone back to bed. I would not have come in to work. I would not have eaten until sometime… later. I know myself that well at least.

    So why did I get up at midnight to go wait in line for (with travel time) 43 minutes when I really love my sleep and wouldn’t be laying the game until later tonight? A couple of reasons.

    One, to see the spectacle first hand. It was cool. It wasn’t just kids. I saw adults much older than me in line with a similar look on their faces. The look that says “nngnngngggg! so…hard…to….WAIT!” And there were teens as well, of course, passing around bongs, doing shooters, showing their tits, rubbing the bald cop’s head. Okay, I kid. Mostly they were talking about how stoked they were to be getting the game finally. Some were smoking… cigarettes. I’m sure they were just cigarettes. I mean there was a bald cop there. You don’t mess with bald cops after midnight.

    I’m reasonably sure that I am the only person who was in that line that went where he was supposed to later in the morning.

    And the second reason was because of my son. He’s about to pop with anticipation. He’s been waiting nearly 1/5th of his life for this game to finally come out, as opposed to my 1/18th. But in spite of that he did have to go to school this morning. I made it clear that if he didn’t he wouldn’t play at all today. And this way he doesn’t have to wait for me to get home after work and after going to the game store before he can tear into it.

    So, that’s my rambling account of my early morning adventure. Sorry if it’s stupidly long. I’m tired and what little editing skills I have are still sleeping. I don’t want to wake them because they look so darned cute.

    I’m so tired.

    I can’t wait to play.

    My brother is skipping school the rest of the week so he can play. *derogatory-bad-word-inspired-by-jealousy here*

    I’m soooo tired.

    I will be in to work tomorrow. Mainly because if I’m not, and am not actually hospitalized or dead, people will ASSUME it’s because I’m playing Halo 2. That and I have a good, strong work ethic, of course.

    *sigh*

    Being an adult sucks.



    How big is Halo 2?


  7. Monday, Monday…

    November 8, 2004 by Collin

    … can’t trust that day.

    Ah Winter. When the ground is covered by snow and the roads by construction cones. Much like “The Mammas & The Papas”.

    Okay. fine. The snow melted off, but it’ll be back! And the construction cones will be waiting, I’m sure. As for “The Mammas & The Papas”, they wrote that song. It’s not MY fault it’s stuck in my noggin.

    I would have been on time to work this morning. I really would have! But I hit a point on my normal route into work where Academy Blvd. (big road) narrowed down from three lanes to just one lane. I turned off as soon as I could but I lost at least 10 minutes and I was 10 minutes late. So see? I would have been on time if it weren’t for the construction.

    Derek told me a while ago that it was due to a water main break. There was already construction being constructed there and I guess they got sloppy or something. What can you do? Be late I suppose. That’ll teach me to try and be on time. That won’t be happening again any time soon, I assure you.

    And then a bit further on my route (after rejoining it past the detour) I hit ANOTHER spot of construction that wasn’t quite as difficult to slip around but was still an annoyance.

    So I was thinking about it while driving (since I don’t have a radio and am therefor forced to think of stuff) and I came to this conclusion: Statistically speaking either 20% of the roads in Colorado Springs are in various states of construction/destruction OR I’m being messed with. Or I’m just unlucky. Statistics is such a fuzzy science.

    Also, I passed by a couple of buses full of kids outside the School for the Deaf and Blind and that got me thinking about just how much that must suck. More for the blind kids than the deaf kids. Can you imagine going to school on a bus and you can’t see ANYTHING? And yet they still look out the windows.

    I suppose the blind kids might take the aisle seats and let the deaf kids have the window seats. But their eyes didn’t follow me when I did this: (waving hand really fast). And if I were one of the blind kids I would WANT an aisle seat so I could make faces at… well… whatever was looking I suppose. The deaf child next to me could aim me. We’d work out a system.

    So. How much bad Karma did I just rack up do you suppose? Oodles is my guess. Funny, I don’t feel that bad about making up God or Jesus based funniness, but I get a twinge of guilt when I talk about deaf and blind children. What’s with that?

    I must be a heathen or something. A reasonably polite heathen that can use utensils and form sentences.

    I need a radio in my car. That’ll fix it.


  8. A quick update:

    November 5, 2004 by Collin

    I just got back from dropping off the (hopefully) final proof of the ad I bitched about at CS’s desk and I had the pleasure of watching her for a few seconds as she “designed” another new layout. It brought to mind one of the slower, special children doodling on her desk with a pen knife.

    Also, this may have been my mind filling in the details afterward, but I would swear that I could see the tip of her tongue sticking out of her mouth as she drew.

    She was so TOTALLY focused on what she was doing I don’t think she was aware that I was there. It’s hard to find fault with such dedication to one’s craft. Except the craft in question isn’t actually HER craft (it’s ours, the artists) and she’s total shit at it.

    She could never have drawn the pirate or the parrot off the matchbook cover. The flim-flam man would have written her back and said, “Even though we are total bastards and would take money from even the most hopeless art hopeful, your pictures actually made us weep blood. Please burn this letter and forget you ever heard of us.”

    And I am NOT taking that ad. I’ll quit first.


  9. Deja Vu-doo

    November 5, 2004 by Collin

    “The feeling you get of having seen the same zombie twice. Thought by some to be a hiccup in the Matrix of the Dead.”


  10. My links list is growing

    November 4, 2004 by Collin

    faster than my children! Sheesh. Still, all of the additions I found enjoyable in one way or another. Your opinion may vary. And yes, most if not all of them appear to be run by either liberals or foreigners. Sometimes both! What can I say? They’re fun people.